House
Unwritten

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Authorial Intent

Taub and Chase roll Alice's gurney into the MRI (of DOOOOOM, right?) room, ignoring her complaints about claustrophobia. But they can't ignore it when she suddenly gets a "leg cramp" that quickly turns into agonizing pain, and then into a visibly sizzling line of spots on her shin. While she screams, Foreman rushes in, telling them to get her out of there because she has metal in her leg. Which sparks like a fork in a microwave while Alice continues to shriek like she's had a white-hot iron buried in her leg, and the Cottages stand there staring at each other in horror. This is why they aren't emergency physicians.

In the x-ray room, Foreman and the Cottages explain to House that Alice has three screws in her leg from a skiing accident, and didn't tell them. Taub makes excuses, so House turns him around and writes on the back of Taub's lab coat, "EVERYBODY LIES." "Maybe this way it'll finally sink in," House says with uncharacteristic optimism. "She wants to die. We can't trust anything she says." Foreman says they burned up most of the day patching up Alice's leg and replacing the screws, and it'll take a week to find the pheochromowhatsis without an MRI, and longer if Alice doesn't stop lying to them. "Or we could figure out a way to find it in the 39 hours left on her psych hold," Taub says lamely. Thinking out loud, House says they need to get her cooperation by offering her something she wants. Foreman reminds House of what he said ten seconds ago, that Alice wants to die. "I can work with that," House says cheerfully. Is he kidding? That's like his medium of choice.

He goes back to Alice and tells her, "I want you to write more books." She says she's done, in more ways than one, and House finger-wags, "Now don't you say that, you dirty birdie." Props to the writers for only dropping one Misery reference into this episode. He tells her there are easier ways to go, and shows her the syringe he brought with him. "The best part? You'll feel so good you won't even notice you're dead." She's skeptical of his motives, so he explains that he's giving her a choice: "Give us a chance to make you better, or stick this anywhere and push." "Why do you care about me?" she asks, as though he didn't already answer that with his entrance line. He gives her a big speech about how he knows from pain, and how you think you can handle it until you can't, and then "you either find reasons to go on or you don't." She says she's out of reasons, but he promises that she'll want to live once she's pain free. "And if I'm wrong, I have a backup plan to take home with you." She accepts the syringe, and he advises her to hide it. Which she does -- right in her thigh. Wait, that's not what he meant! Or is it?

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11Next

House

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP