House's favorite call girl is retiring, so he spends half the episode auditioning potential replacements. Then he spends some time trying to break up her impending marriage before he finds out she's not really retiring. She just thinks it's weird that he's married to someone he kind of likes but still brings her in. She recommends he try making a connection with his fake wife, so he ends up throwing away the letter from Immigration that says she can be a citizen.
In medical news, the patient of the week is Henry, a nice guy with a RealDoll he loves very much. That doesn't end up having anything to do with his illness, which he contracted by using tap water in a Neti Pot.
We start with a gun pointed at the camera. Oh no! The show's trying to shoot me! Don't shoot me show! I'm sorry I said I didn't care about Wilson's home life! Actually what's going on is that a gentleman with big eyeglasses is at a carnival and wins his lady a giant teddy bear by shooting a star out of a piece of paper. Her name is Molly and she wants to talk to him about something important. Also, his name is Henry. He's got a girlfriend, but she's not it. His girlfriend never wants to do anything with him and she thinks that's weird. But none of that matters, because suddenly he's crying blood! The things some guys will do to get out of an awkward conversation.
House tells the team that the patient is 35 years old and not a vampire. They're distracted by the prostitutes lining the hallway outside House's office. Apparently his favorite whore is retiring and he's interviewing replacements. Also apparently, House is ignoring the fact that he has a wife at home these days and is supposed to be actively pretending that he's faithfully married so she can get her green card. Adams is annoyed at this. House dismisses one of them (named "Butterscotch") for providing bad cappuccino. The next one does a bad job of defending Annie Hall as her favorite Woody Allen movie, so she's also out. House explains that he needs a call girl with skills he finds entertaining for the other 57 minutes of the hour. Taub and Adams have a couple of ideas that will involve testing blood. House asks the next young lady about her skills in small appliance repair.
Chase and Taub visit Henry in the patient room, where the woman from the beginning explains that she's just his neighbor. His girlfriend is Amy, but she's not there. She's been called, but she doesn't have a cell. Neighbor-lady offers to stop by on her way home, but Henry says that won't be necessary.
Taub and Park are in the lab and talking about whether he's paid for sex. Then a guy comes in to tell Park that he's already sold his rare guitar she was interested in buying. Taub thinks the guy likes her. And he does come back in to invite Park to jam with his band.
A lady of the evening juggles three balls while another one fans out some cards. Adams comes in and points out that since House can juggle, she doesn't see why it would benefit him to have a hooker who can also do it. House answers, logically enough, "What if I'm busy?" Yeah! Let's say he has to spend time on his job (unlikely, I know), and there's some urgent juggling to be done? If he hired her, she could take care of that for him. Incidentally, how much do you think House spends on escorts? It must be a lot, right? He's got a lot of applicants for the position and I would have thought that high-priced, attractive, highly-skilled call girls wouldn't need to go through all these levels of auditions for potential clients. Anyway, the juggler can also stand on her hands. Adams reports that the tests have failed, but that the patient has a secret girlfriend. She thinks the "girlfriend" is a secret glue-sniffing habit. House tells her to go search Henry's home. House leaves his office with the circus-skills lady still contorting.