We Need the Eggs

Episode Report Card
Monty Ashley: B | Grade It Now!

Chase and Adams break into Henry's home. It's clean, but it doesn't look like a woman lives there. According to Adams. There are some flowers there, though. They chat about House's prostitute hunt while nosing through everything. Then Adams goes into the bedroom: "Oh god. I don't think she's breathing. Do you think she OD'd?" Nope. No pulse either.

Oh! House's fake wife is helping him go through the resumes. Do prostitutes have resumes? Even the high-priced ones are still technically breaking the law. Adams calls House, which gives him the opportunity to pretend she's trying to become his favorite sex worker. She's not, but she does note that her favorite Woody Allen movie is Melinda and Melinda. Oh, that's so sad. Anyway, it turns out that Henry's girlfriend Amy is a RealDoll. You know, one of those hyper-realistic sex dolls that tend to have TV shows and movies made about them?

By the way, during the commercial break, there's an iPhone ad where Zooey Deschanel basically treats Siri as a real person. So who's crazy now?

Back in the patient's room, Henry explains that he calls Amy his girlfriend because that's convenient shorthand. And he's not a pervert. It's not just about sex and he knows she's not a real person. She's better! Because she doesn't talk or leave. Also, she cost three thousand dollars. That's not part of why he has an emotional attachment to her -- it's just an interesting fact. He ends with, "Amy makes me happy." And then he's got a fever.

In the external office, the team has the usual argument over whether Henry's weirdo behavior is a symptom. House says it isn't. Adams says it's crazy to buy flowers for a doll. House says that everyone in the room has a sex doll. Taub: "Oooh! A metaphor! What you didn't foresee is that I actually do have a sex doll." Good one! But House meant Taub's children. Eew! But House means that the children are Taub's excuse for not being in a relationship, like Park's parents and Adams's charity work. Chase cheerfully admits that he has random sex, but he claims to be in a regular relationship. House says that doesn't count because she was a patient. Park says she has a date tonight: that jamming-with-a-band thing. House says she'll bail. Taub suggests he hand his kids over to Park's parents. Another good one! Nice work by Taub in this scene. Then he moves on to call House on his hypocrisy in accusing them of avoiding real relationships when his subplot involves spending a lot of time and energy on interviewing prostitutes. House admits that he's got a valid point. And on his way out the door, he says that RealDolls are presumably filled with bacteria and all sorts of gross stuff, so they should "swab her out" and find out what diseases are lurking in there.

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