House
Whac-A-Mole

Episode Report Card
Sara M: B | Grade It Now!
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Passive-Aggressive

Oh, snap! House has to put his right arm in a sling and use one of those canes for old people with the four little legs on the bottom! He looks so embarrassed. Cameron laughs at him. Chase is told to stop testing for the food-borne toxins now that Jack has osteomyelitis. Ha! All that garbage-sifting was for nothing. Foreman reads a printout that says Jack is also positive for syphilis, and says that Cameron can stop her test as well. But she's already finished, and is surprised to find that Jack's positive for eikenella. Either one of the tests is wrong, or, House says, Jack is much sicker than they thought. He tells Chase to finish the food toxin test, where Jack comes out positive for botulism. He's positive for everything! "I think this game is rigged," says House. Well, if it's anything like those Whac-A-Mole games at Chuck E. Cheese's, it probably is. And that means they'll never earn enough tickets for that awesome motorbike.

Back from commercial, Foreman explains that they cleared all three infections out of Jack's system, but now he's having seizures. House says that Jack must be immunocompromised, but Chase says that his white blood cell count was normal. Moreover, there's no explanation for the seizures. House guesses drugs; they were stored in his fat cells back in the "good old days" of his drug usage, and now that his barfing has made him lose weight, they're back in his system, not unlike that guy with the termites. Cameron helpfully assists House in putting the sling back over his shoulder, because she cares. (By the way, I love that they gave House a black arm sling and not a white one. Black fits him so much better.) House tells the Cottages to "sweat" some weight off of Jack so that he'll release more drugs into his system and have another seizure. Then they can do a tox screen.

All three Cottages head to the hospital's sauna (is it standard for a hospital to have its own sauna? ["Maybe there's one attached to a gym? I know there's a gym in the hospital on Scrubs" -- Wing Chun]) and suffer in there along with Jack. Cameron's bangs always look so good, but they've definitely looked better than they do plastered to her forehead here. Jack says that he was high the night he found out his parents died, so he laughed when he was told about it. Damn, he must have been really high. He wishes his parents were around to see the person he is now. Well, if they hadn't driven drunk, they could have. "Well, I'm sure they're watching and I'm sure they're proud," says Chase, since extreme heat makes him revert to his churchy roots. Jack says he knows that his parents only live on in his and his siblings' memories. Then he has another seizure, and the Cottages gather around him to get a blood sample.

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House

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