House

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Doctors Without Boundaries

The phone rings. It's Wilson, who's amazed that House really is working for the CIA. House says they have a satellite aimed at Cuddy's vagina right now, even though House told them the chances of invasion were slim to none. But...but...wasn't she on the verge of getting pregnant when House took away her birth control pills last week? And now House is saying she's not getting any sex? Anyway, Wilson tells House how to administer John's chemo, then starts getting all worried that the CIA did a background check on him as well as House. House says he's sure they know that Wilson brought heroin back from Afghanistan, and Wilson panics, sputtering that that's not true and he's never been to Afghanistan. Methinks thou doth protest too much, Wilson. I kinda love how paranoid he is of the CIA. Too bad we'll never find out anything more about it.

Casey's not getting much better, and Biff is starting to worry that she doesn't have botulism and Foreman is treating her for yet another condition she doesn't actually have. Foreman calmly says Biff just needs to be patient -- the antitoxin needs time to work. Then he's called outside by Random Guy, who's waving a paper full of test results in Foreman's face. He tested Casey for polio behind Foreman's back because Foreman has absolutely no way of controlling any of these doctors so they're just running around, willy-nilly, testing and treating Casey to their hearts' content. By the way, Casey has polio. "Now what, boss?" Random Guy snarks. Well, I'd say a call should be placed to the CDC.

Cuddy marches into Wilson's office, demanding to know where House is. Don't you have more pressing issues right now, Cuddy? Like the polio outbreak in your hospital? But she continues that House has blown off four hours of Clinic duty even though he rarely has to do any Clinic duty at all anymore and I miss it. Wilson can't think of a good lie to cover for his friend, so he tells Cuddy that House is consulting for the CIA. But when he tells Cuddy the phone number that will prove it, he can't remember it. Cuddy says House now has eight hours of Clinic duty to do -- and for protecting him, Wilson has sixteen. Wilson weakly asks why he's being punished more than House is and Cuddy says it's because Wilson might learn something, whereas House never will. I'd say Wilson's learned at least one thing: write phone numbers down.

House checks on John. He feels like crap and his hair is falling out. But it's too soon for it to be because of the chemo...which means Curtis was right all along. Oops face!

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House

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