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Sara M: B- | Grade It Now!
Doctors Without Boundaries

John drinks more caterpillar fungus tea and says his nausea has gotten better. Ever the optimist, House says that's because in the course of radiation poisoning, you get better right before you get worse. John asks House if he wants to know what John "really did" in Bolivia. House says he does, but only if it's interesting. You know, House, you did kill the guy. The least you could do is listen to his boring stories. And so, John tells House about a dance women do for the Carnival. It's called the "Devil Dance." Oooh, that's going to get me two points in my next Scattergories game. House proclaims this "not interesting." I call it "probably using what was supposed to be a business trip for pleasure purposes." John continues that he spent all forty days of Carnival with the attaché of the Minister of Defense. I thought he was talking about a suitcase, but it was actually a woman who was all button-down and serious -- except when she was doing the Devil Dance. John starts saying that she agreed to tell him "stuff," but then he retches in pain right when the story was getting good. House urges John to confess his sins, because he's nosy like that. John says he deserves this pain, citing what happened to that attaché when her government found out what she told him, but House doesn't care anymore -- he's just figured out what's wrong with John. For reals this time! "Do you have any idea what a chestnut looks like?" he asks.

And with that, he marches into Terzzzi's office, looks directly at her, and says, "You idiot." "Who are you calling an idiot?" Terzzzi asks. Well, it's not the paperweight on your desk, Terzzzi, so I'm guessing it's you. Actually, it's not, as it turns out that Terzzzi didn't know what House just figured out -- that John wasn't stationed in Bolivia, he was stationed in Brazil. House spins around and sees CIA guy from the beginning of the episode and calls him the idiot for lying about where John was. CIA guy shrugs, saying Bolivia and Brazil are the same region with the same parasites and diseases. But not, House points out, the same language. Or the same Carnival, as Bolivia's is only eight days long and Brazil's is forty, which is how House figured out where John really was. Good thing House has a mental list of all Carnivals worldwide, including their start and end dates for this, and the next ten, calendar years. Anyway, as House knows from his extensive knowledge of Portuguese, Brazil nuts there are called "castanhas-do-Paŕa." This translates to "chestnuts from Para." Which means that John didn't eat chestnuts, as that report that Curtis picked up on earlier said -- he ate Brazil nuts. CIA guy doesn't think that's a big deal until House says Brazil nuts contain selenium, which can be toxic in large doses. Symptoms of selenium poisoning include all of John's symptoms (except for the skin peeling, which I couldn't find any mention of), indicating that John ate a shitload of Brazil nuts over a long period of time. It's called moderation, John. Geez. Although I don't know why John has to pay for eating Brazil nuts for eleven months while House has been abusing Vicodin for way longer than that and all that's happened to him so far was he had trouble peeing once. CIA guy makes an "oops!" face and asks if selenium poisoning is treatable. House says they were actually already treating John with that string of syllables (not the caterpillar one, the other one), which works better on nut poisoning than radiation poisoning. CIA guy doesn't see a problem, then. "You're an idiot," says the woman who couldn't figure anything out on her own.

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