House
Who's Your Daddy?

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Hurricrap Katrina

"Her lungs are swiss cheese," Chase informs the crew of Leona's current condition. Great job, guys. The deferoxamine treatment has killed Leona, whose time, Chase says, is "basically up." House blames this on a flaw in the scientific method, because this means he didn't do anything wrong, just like how Crandall's girlfriend was solely at fault for cheating on him with House. While House paces and then sits to rub his leg, the Cottages go over what could have drawn all that iron into Leona's lungs and caused this whole mess. Her two-way digestive system can be blamed for the iron's going into her lungs instead of through her intestines to be disposed of as normal waste, but what made the iron rip through the lungs that way? Foreman comes up with an iron-loving fungus that bound to the iron. But there's a problem: if it is a fungus, they don't have time to figure out which one. House tells them to treat Leona for the most common fungus -- aspergillus -- and hope they're right. You know, like how they treated that autoimmune disease she didn't have and almost gave her a liver biopsy that would have killed her. Hooray for the guess-and-check method!

House doesn't have time to deal with Leona anymore, since he has an appointment with Cuddy. If only Leona's ass were as nice as Cuddy's, maybe she would get more of House's attention. Cuddy is outraged at House's stunt, tracking down one of her sperm donors and parading him around in front of her, but House defends his actions by saying that, now that Cuddy has met the guy, she knows she wouldn't want to have his baby. Cuddy starts to say she's tired of looking for the right father of her children, but is interrupted by House's sticking her ass with the needle. Fun times for Lisa Edelstein this week, I'll tell you. House says that Cuddy should know who is the father of her child: "Genes matter." Or is that "jeans matter"? Because House loves wearing jeans. "Who you are matters. Find someone you trust," House adds, seeming just a little bit hurt that Cuddy never picked him. She picks up on this: "Someone like you?" "Someone you like," he says. I guess that's why she didn't go to House in the first place. I hear incredible crankiness is a hereditary trait.

Wilson rushes into House's office without knocking to find him with his pants down and a woman bobbing around his crotch area. "Oh, sorry!" Wilson says, before letting out an awkward "I don't know what to say now but I feel like I should keep talking" "Okay..." Awesome. House is not getting a blowjob, though -- just a leg massage from Ingrid the Hot Season 1 Masseuse. Now that they've established that House is not getting any action, Wilson says that he's sure House did that paternity test on Crandall, it came back positive, and that's why House's leg is hurting so much lately. Except that his leg hurt well before Crandall even came into this episode, and House still denies running the test in the first place. Cameron enters and manages not to burst into tears of rejection and embarrassment before House can tell her that this isn't what it looks like. Doesn't anyone knock anymore? Cameron has urgent news: Leona's lungs collapsed. It isn't aspergillus. And with that, Cameron takes in the scene for the first time, steps back, and averts her eyes as she walks out of the room. Oh, please let her walk in on House giving Cuddy an injection next time! That reaction was great. Since his patient is still dying, House has to stop his massage session.

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