Who's Your Daddy?

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
Hurricrap Katrina

House tells Crandall about the process of inducing the arrhythmia, which involves snaking some wires in all of the pathways of Leona's heart and then zapping them each with electricity to find the one that's broken. He says that the test is "perfectly safe" and performed "every day," leaving out the fact that other perfectly safe and routine tests such as MRIs often render House's patients half-dead. Just before Crandall signs the consent form, House tells him not to be so gullible -- the test is actually "crazy dangerous." Yeah, what a sucker Crandall is, believing that something a doctor tells him about a medical procedure is true. House tells him that the arrhythmia test needs to be done despite the risks, and then asks him for a DNA sample so that he can run a paternity test to prove that Leona is just a con artist trying to scam her new daddy out of everything he has before moving onto the next guy her mother slept with. It's like the evil version of My Two Dads. Crandall prefers to trust Leona, and won't give House a DNA sample. He will, however, sign the consent form.

Chase sticks a catheter into Leona's heart. The second charge puts Leona into tachycardia, but the brain wave monitors show no hallucinations, meaning that this is not the faulty section of the heart. They zap Leona back to life. House wants to test another part of Leona's heart, but Chase protests that this is very dangerous to Leona's fragile heart. House tells him to blame Foreman if there's a negligence trial, and Foreman just frowns. With that, they send the electrical pulse, and Leona goes into hallucinations. The damaged heart muscle isolated, a tiny probe comes out of the catheter and freezes the tissue in a process called cryoablation. The damaged heart muscle can no longer interfere with the heart's electrical signals, and Leona is cured. Her hallucinations stop on the EEG, and House is sure Leona will be fine by breakfast the next day. And since we're fifteen minutes into the show, I'm sure this will prove to be true.

House visits Cuddy, those medical histories she gave him in hand. She tells him that they're her top two sperm-donor choices, and she wants House's expert medical opinion on which one is genetically superior. I know that Cuddy doesn't have many choices of people to help her out with this since she hasn't told anyone, but even so, is House really the right person to ask? I'd run the risk of getting a kid with a genetic disease before I'd go to him for any kind of assistance. Of course, House doesn't like either of Cuddy's choices: Donor 1284 claims to like square dancing while Donor 613 likes Mozart. This makes their potential offspring loser kids who are destined to get beaten up on the playground. Man, those sperm-donor questionnaires sure do get detailed. Cuddy, of course, cares more about her child's long and healthy life than her donors' choice of hobbies. She angrily throws a pile of files in House's lap and tells him to find her a donor who will produce a popular kid. She sarcastically thanks him for his help. Well, what did you expect, Cuddy? Class and decorum? Come on now.

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