Who's Your Daddy?

Episode Report Card
Sara M: F | Grade It Now!
Hurricrap Katrina

House goes to the Clinic, where his latest patient is a little boy with a bright red rash on his chest and face. Concerned Mother has no idea what it could be, but thinks it might have something to do with a recent camping trip the boy took with his father. The boy brags that he caught two spiders on this trip, which shows you right there that something is wrong with him: no one touches a spider on purpose. House finds out what's really wrong with the boy with his tried-and-true diagnostic method of disemboweling the child. Not really -- but if he did that, it wouldn't be out of character anymore. What House really does is ask the mother what color the new couch he's guessing she bought is. The kid says it's red, and that he often falls asleep on it while watching cartoons after a bath. Then the kid sneezes, and House says a quick "bless you" without skipping a beat in what must have been improvised, since the kid's sneeze was real and you can sort of see the actress playing his mother get pissed off that she'll have to retake this scene due to the sneezy brat kid she's stuck with. Cuddy enters the room and tells House, "I need you. Now." Whoa. "Yes, mistress," House says with a fake deep voice. The kid starts laughing. Yeah, it's all fun and games until he breaks your fingers, kid. House tells the mother to try giving her kid a bath before she goes running off to the Free Clinic and wasting everyone's time. Mother looks ashamed of her stupidity.

House reports to Cuddy's office. She asks him whether he told anyone else about her sperm donor thing, and he says that he didn't. Not even Wilson. She starts closing her shades, and this looks like it's going to get fun. She hands House a needle and tells him that she needs him to inject her with gonadotropins, because she can't do it herself, and apparently didn't think any of this through when she was given instructions to inject herself with them twice a day. I would have many more problems with the logic of all this, but it gives us some quality House-Cuddy time, so I'm all for it. Of course, the drug has to be injected into Cuddy's ass, and she bends over and lifts her skirt up to show House and us a significant part of her ass cheek. She compliments his professionalism in not making any smart remarks. Since she's facing away from him, she can't see the variety of facial expressions he's making in response to his view. He studies her ass for a good while, and then shakes it off with a comment to the effect that Cuddy has a huge ass, which, as far as I can see, isn't true. Cuddy doesn't have a huge anything, except for cleavage and no-nonsense attitude. "Shut up," Cuddy snaps at him. House applies alcohol to the area for several minutes, with more care and precision than we've ever seen him display, until Cuddy turns and says, "I'm pretty sure you got that." But she's smiling and her voice is kind of seductive. HOT. "Microbes can be sneaky," House tells her. Enh...not quite so hot. Unless I'm missing out on the sexiness of dangerous single-celled organisms. With that, House finally shoots Cuddy's ass full of gonadotropins, and Lisa Edelstein can finally cover herself back up and spare our blushes. "Twice a day...this is gonna be fun!" House says. Yes, yes it will. In fact, it's a pretty safe bet that it'll be the only fun thing in this entire episode!

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