House

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Good Friend, Bad Oncologist

Back at PPTH, Tucker is feeling very sorry for himself. He says he's not ready to die now that he just got his family back together, as if it's anyone's fault but his own that said family wasn't together before, and then points out to Wilson that he would have had six months with them if he hadn't given him that liver-killing chemo dose. That Tucker agreed to, knowing there were risks. But he needs to make Wilson feel like it's totally his fault in order to make him guilty enough to agree to donate a part of his liver to Tucker, as Wilson's blood transfusion to Tucker five years ago during his first encounter with cancer tells him that they are a match. "I'm your doctor," Wilson starts. "You're my friend. Should I die because you're also my doctor?" Tucker asks. Well, yes. But not because of the liver donation. Because Wilson is a terrible doctor and you should have picked a better oncologist. "You're fired. Now you're just my friend. Now you can do what's right," Tucker says. Whatever, Tucker. I wouldn't give my liver to someone who just fired me. Not in this economy!

Wilson arrives home late from the bar where he did some guilt drinking. House asks where he was, and Wilson is in no mood to deal with him, especially after he sees that House took all of his frozen meals out of the freezer to make room for his cane-shaped margarita Jell-O shots. That's impolite, but I'd rather have Jell-O shots than frozen meals. Wilson finally tells House about Tucker's request, and House assumes that he went out drinking because he's actually thinking of doing it. Wilson points out that drinking isn't exactly the best thing to do to a liver you might be donating a piece of. House says his attempt at deflection tells House that he's going to do it. Wilson says it's his fault that Tucker's liver is failing in the first place. "You cured his cancer!" House says, chalking up the fact that the cure killed his liver up to "quibbles." That's true. Wilson is a cancer doctor. He's not a liver doctor. That's someone else's problem. Wilson says he feels morally responsible for this. House is confused, as he doesn't understand such feelings. So he just lashes out at Wilson and calls him a "doormat." Wilson says donating a part of his liver won't make him a doormat to House because he obviously already thinks of Wilson as such, judging by how he filled Wilson's living room with guitars and his kitchen with thawed frozen meals. And just to show House that he isn't a doormat after all, he throws out his Jell-O shots and knocks something else of House's over before rather twirling his hand and pointing at the door as he tells House to move out of his apartment.

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House

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