House
Words And Deeds

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 2 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Broken Arc Syndrome

Judge Helen tells Shitter to shut up for a second so she can yell at House for taking a phone call, although he has no intention of putting the phone down. Dwayne Wayne, Esq., says this must be a medical emergency, which it is, so I think it should be okay for House to take this call. House thinks there's something blocking Derek's blood from reaching his brain properly, thereby causing the false memories and tells them to find it. Meanwhile, Judge Helen does not appreciate this at all. He's trying to save a firefighter's life, Judge Helen! Remember 9/11? Geez. The Cottages tell House they don't know where to look for a blockage in Derek, because they're totally incompetent and need their hands held at all times. House excuses himself from the conversation to ask Judge Helen to shut up so he can hear his employees better. She threatens jail time. He doesn't care. He tells the Cottages to set Derek up for some kind of crazy angiography and starts to leave. Cuddy and Dwayne Wayne order House to sit back down, but he says he's bored and takes off while Judge Helen threatens to find him in contempt and Shitter makes a face like he just ate a sour lemon. Which is to say, the same expression Shitter always makes when he isn't smirking.

House returns to PPTH, telling Foreman that the court "said that they wanted me there, but I don't think they liked me." Which doesn't look as funny written out as it did hearing it. But anyway, House says poor old Derek still has those women's issues, and he's betting Derek's blockage has something to do with that. Chase tells him to go back to court and that they can handle this without him, although the last time they tried that, a guy's brain got fried for no reason, so, not so much. House enters the booth with Cameron and says Derek's got some ladylike narrowing arteries and then makes some crazy analogy about a man with a squeegee on the road that I really don't understand. In fact, I don't understand much of the medical part of this episode at all. A man with menopause? Memory erasing? Broken heart syndrome? And now men with squeegees? It's like the writers came across a bunch of really cool-sounding medical things but couldn't figure out an episode to put them into individually, so they just stuck them all into this one. Anyway, the test finds a spinal meningioma. A special magical one that prior tests didn't see any hint of. Way to fucking go, guys. You missed it, and now Derek has no brain. House explains that the meningioma was pushing on Derek's vocal chords, causing his voice to raise. Not, as they thought, the eletroshock therapy or the menopause. So he doesn't have menopause after all? Anyway, the meningioma was blocking oxygen to Derek's brain and creating the false memories. "Memories cause love, love kills," House concludes. On this show, it certainly does. House says that the memory wipe wasn't a complete suck move, as it bought them time to find the real problem. "On the other hand," House rightly points out, "if we had been better, we wouldn't have needed the time." He orders surgery to remove the meningioma and heads out.

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