House
Words And Deeds

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 2 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Broken Arc Syndrome

Cameron takes some blood cultures from Derek and tells him all about MRSA. Derek wonders if one of MRSA's symptoms is that everything looks blue. Only if the S in MRSA stands for Smurf, Derek, and judging by Cameron's reaction, it doesn't. Way to tell everyone about that new symptom whenever you felt like it instead of immediately there, Derek.

House gets off the elevator to find the Cottages standing at the door waiting for him. I wonder how many random elevator users those three scared the crap out of before House got there. They start guessing at different things that could affect Derek's eyes. House suggests a real goodie: menopause, which gives Foreman pause. As they enter the office, Foreman informs everyone that Derek is twenty-eight. "Yes, his age is the reason it's weird that a man has menopause," Chase speaks for all of us. But apparently it is possible for a man to get menopause from high estrogen and low testosterone levels. I am so confused right now, you guys. Is this like when a girl is pregnant and the guy feels sympathy pains? Or like when that female patienthad balls? Does menopause make women so disoriented that they walk into burning buildings? I hadn't heard of that one, but I also haven't done a whole lot of reading up on menopause, either.

House says it explains all of Derek's symptoms and is similar to female menopause except for the lack of vaginas and Mahjong tiles. Okay, first of all, I can't believe they let him get away with saying "vagina." Second of all, Mahjong is a fun game that people of all sexes and ages enjoy. Blue vision is not a symptom of menopause, but it is a side effect of Viagra, which Derek might have taken to combat the "limpness" his ridiculous menopause caused. Yes, well, I know all the women I know who've experienced menopause are always complaining about the hot flashes and difficulty getting hard. It's such a drag. House makes sure to point out that the only reason he knows any of this is because he's a doctor and not because he's ever done any investigation of Viagra for his own personal use after coming down with a bad case of Vicodick. Cameron protests that Derek didn't tell her he was taking Viagra, and House has to inform her naïve little head that Derek might not have wanted to tell a hot young female doctor about that since it's kind of embarrassing. Probably not as embarrassing as being a guy with menopause, though. As to what's causing Derek to have these weird hormone imbalances, House points out that if his burns extended down far enough, he could have had some testicular damage, which then would lower his testosterone levels and make Derek want to read The Bridges of Madison County.

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