House
Words And Deeds

Episode Report Card
Sara M: C- | 2 USERS: B
YOU GRADE IT
Broken Arc Syndrome

"Thank God my parents are dead," Derek says. Well, there's something you don't hear every day. Derek's saying it because he's sure his father would be very ashamed of his son for having women troubles. On the other hand, his mom would probably welcome a partner in hot flashes. "It's nothing to be ashamed of," Foreman says as he tries to bite back derisive laughter. Meanwhile, Cameron is planting testosterone pills under Derek's arm so I guess they were able to prove that he had the male menopause after all? Did they even check to see if he was taking Viagra or that his testicles were damaged or are they just assuming? Amy stops by for a visit and Derek says that "anyone not in a white coat is welcome" in his room. Cameron bites back tears. Derek tells Supermodel Amy that he has "some hormone thing." Suddenly, he sits forward and groans. When they ask him what's wrong, he just says they need to get the pills out of his body. Foreman suspects an allergic reaction and Cameron tells him to calm down, at which point Derek channels the spirit of me during Season One and strangles her. Amy panics. Foreman starts yelling for a nurse and trying to pry Derek's hands off of Cameron. Cameron makes a series of funny faces that I can't blame the girl for. I have to think that if I was being strangled, I wouldn't be looking my best, either. A nurse rushes in with a sedative and finally knocks Derek out. Cameron backs away and does not die. Cameron-haters everywhere are so disappointed, but begin making "Get Well Soon" cards for Derek anyway.

House comes to see Shitter, who tells him the "complaint department's across the hall." I'm guessing it's the room with the poster on the door that says "Complaint Department -- take a number" and then has a picture of a grenade with a number flag on the pin. House doesn't get to respond to Shitter's non-witticism because he has to look all contrite. "I'm sorry," he says. He admits that he's somewhere between "arrogant" and "unhinged," but "there's a reason [he] operate[s] that way." Yes, because it amuses us all. "I live in pain," House explains. "Pain that on good days is merely intolerable and on bad ones, it will suck the life force right out of you." Well aren't you the special one, House? Your pain is worse than anyone else's in the whole world and no one can know how you feel. You sound like an angsty teenager, dude. Grow up. If your leg hurts that much, then chop it off. It's not going to get better, it makes you miserable, and a prosthetic leg would probably be more useful to you than what you have now. House continues that it's not an excuse for his actions and he was wrong. Shitter looks at him with all the contempt he can muster and then says "thank you." He's not an idiot though, so he knows House doesn't mean it. House isn't sorry for sticking a thermometer in Shitter's ass or stealing a prescription pad -- he's sorry he got caught. Shitter says he isn't interested in what House says (except for the first episode when he told Cuddy he wanted an apology) -- "all I care about is what you do." He won't tell the DA to drop the charges.

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House

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