If you're Ted Mosby, isn't bad enough to be standing there in the rain -- holding a bright yellow umbrella -- the first time you run into the person who left you at the altar. Oh no, if you're Ted, your ex- is going to have her baby-daddy, Tony, with her and he's going to pity you. After their chance encounter, Tony comes to Ted to makes amends. His family is influential, and he wants to set Ted up with a job as an architecture professor at Columbia. To Ted, teaching is an admission of defeat, so he passes. Tony comes to Ted again, this time to introduce him to an old classmate who's looking for an architect. The client wants a very special house with a completely tiled laundry room and soundproofed laundry room -- one with chains hanging from the ceiling at a height of nine feet, from which his laundry bags can hang for three days until he's ready to… launder. Dude's totally building a murder house. Ted will pass, thanks. To assuage Tony's guilt over Stella, Ted explains that since she's was able to leave him at the altar for her ex, she's not the kind of woman he wants. Their conversation gives Tony second thoughts about Stella too, and he dumps her.
In the B-plot, Barney gets a speeding ticket and Ted, Robin, and Marshall (and NOBODY) tease him for being unable to talk his way out of it, so he spends the next few days racking up tickets in order to prove he can talk (or bribe) his way out of them, but the local law is impervious to his charms. Eventually, he gets arrested in New Jersey. We'll talk about the can Barney drive continuity issue later.
Stella visits Ted and apologizes for hurting him, but what she really wants is for him to talk Tony into taking her back. As you can imagine, Ted's not exactly inclined to help her. Stella goes into this big speech about how Tony's been the love of her life and she loved Ted almost as much, but she never stopped loving Tony. And then there's some b.s. about her age, which we'll also cover in the weecap. She'll do anything Ted wants, if only he'll help her with this one thing. Ted's cell phone rings (his ringtone is Robin's "Let's Go to the Mall" which will never get old). It's Barney; he needs to get bailed out of a New Jersey jail. If Stella will drive Ted to Jersey to get Barney, Ted will talk to Tony. She does, and he does. Oh, Ted. Stella, Tony and their daughter Lucy then leave the Big Apple (or the Big Turnpike) for the bright lights of L.A., where Tony makes a hit movie, The Wedding Bride, which Saget!Ted promises to cover another time. We will hold you to that, Saget!Ted, oh yes we will.
I was going to say I'd cover the end tag in the weecap, but I'm too excited not to say something, so I'll spoil the only real event in it: LILY COMES BACK! Hooray! Catch you on the flip side.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!
We find Ted where we left him last week, standing under the yellow umbrella, waiting for the light to change, waiting for his life to change. But it's more of the same for our boy Teddy, because the leggy woman who approaches him is none other than Stella. Ted turns on the cheer and charm and lies that it's great to see her. And then? She's joined by Tony, her baby daddy and ex -- the very guy who recaptured her heart and inspired her to leave Ted at the altar. Ted keeps smiling. "What a nice surprise!" And we cut to...
MacLaren's: Robin is disgusted that Ted opted for a friendly chat rather than a verbal onslaught, but Barney, Marshall and NOBODY give Ted a standing ovation. Marshall explains to Robin that playing it cool is exactly what Ted should have done, considering the wide range of responses Ted could have had. We flash to the low end of the scale in Marshall's imagination, where Ted sobs as he confesses to Stella that he kept one of her sweaters, and sometimes he just sits in the tub and sniffs it. No. Really. I can't make this stuff up. Back in the real world, Marshall describes the high end of the scale as we flash again to his imagination. Stella and Tony stand under her blue umbrella. Ted stands under the yellow umbrella with his new fiancée (also played by Sarah Chalke, wearing a beret and holding a poodle). Imaginary Ted says, "She's basically Stella, except she's French, and as you can see, she's got enormous cans." Imaginary-French-Stella sticks out her chest and her hand as she says, "Enchantée." Imaginary-American-Rain-Bedraggled-Stella shakes her hand limply and mopes, while Tony lights up like a Christmas tree, kisses French-Stella's hand and returns the greeting. Imaginary Ted and French-Stella giggle and we flash back to...
MacLaren's. Marshall thinks Ted nailed it. And Barney says he probably got Stella thinking. "Give it a week. You'll get her back... and her front!" He then trembles in his seat as if from the "What-Up Quake" he's caused, and Marshall gives him a high-five. Although Ted laughs at Barney's antics, he wants neither side of Stella. He just wants to move on. He raises his glass to that idea. The gang toasts, and we cut to...
Ted's apartment: Even though he meant what he said about moving on, Ted imagines Stella knocking on his door and begging for him to take her back, with promises that they'll have way more sex than ever before. His fantasy is interrupted by an actual knock on the door, which pulls Ted out of his daydream. Could it be? Nah. He opens the door to find... Tony.
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