How I Met Your Mother

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Murder House And The Almost-Spouse

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Tony -- wearing his gi, of course -- lets out a big sigh and walks right in Ted's apartment. Ted deadpans, "No, come in. It's not weird at all." Apparently Tony doesn't think so, either, because he plops himself down (I mean full recline: head back, feet up) on Ted's couch. If I didn't know Ted and/or Robin had been sitting there each day since, I'd hope that there were Naked Man remnants there, but that's too icky to contemplate, and Ted isn't gross or anything. Tony feels guilty for his part in breaking up Ted and Stella's wedding. It's kept him up on those nights that seven months of mad reunion sex with Stella hasn't. Ted feels for you, Tony. I'm sure of it. Tony says that he, Stella and Lucy were set to move to L.A., where Tony was going to become a screenwriter, but because of the direction he's facing, he can't see Ted roll his eyes. Regardless, Tony's point is: once he saw Ted standing in the rain, looking so sad, he had to talk to him.

Ted denies being sad, but Tony doesn't believe him, and blathers on in that way that people do, when they're trying to make you feel better, but every word only makes you feel worse. Anyhow, Tony believes he's an agent of "fate," put on that street corner to make things right. He knows Ted lost his job. Ted says he "transitioned into small business ownership. It's the backbone of the economy." Tony says, "No it's not." Hah. At any rate, Tony's family is rich and he wants to use their money to make things right with Ted. And we jump to...

MacLaren's: Marshall so hopes Tony wrote Ted a big fat check -- one so big, "It doesn't take its shirt off when it goes swimming." Barney says, "That is a big, fat check. A check so big, if you had sex with it, you wouldn't tell your buddies." Marshall says, "That is a big, fat check." Robin finishes: "A check so big, that when you sit next to it on an airplane, you find yourself wondering whether the check should have bought two seats." Marshall and Barney take turns spitting out that that's a big fat check. Ted laughs, but no, Tony didn't offer him a check. We flash back to...

Ted's apartment: Tony wants to use his wealthy and influential family's pull to get Ted a job as a professor of architecture at Columbia. Ted laughs bitterly, and says, "No thanks," and we flash forward to...

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How I Met Your Mother

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