How I Met Your Mother

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Who's Your Daddy?
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Saget!Ted tells his kids that their friends, Stuart and Claudia, had a baby in fall 2010, and Lily and Marshall were the first to visit. They haven't named the baby yet, which leads to a giant argument in front of Lily and Marshall, in which they insult each other back and forth over the names. Lily and Marshall hope that won't be them, then look at the baby and each calls out her name: "Emily" and "Lisa." They're horrified at each other's choices -- as if Lisa and Emily are really that different. La-dee-da credits. Then they're at MacLaren's, still talking baby names. Marshall has a list of awesome ones. But Ted stops him before he chooses LeBron, Shaquille or any other basketball names; those just won't work on a chubby white kid. So Marshall suggests Rob, but Lily hates it because of a Rob who put paint on her at school. She doesn't like Brian because one stabbed her with a pencil. She doesn't like Johnny because one ate a goldfish, which is also why she doesn't like Gill. Jeremy splattered her with red paint.

Robin somehow showed up during this conversation, and tells them not to name their baby Becky, right? They're all confused, and she wonders if they even watch her show, with her new terribly perky co-anchor Becky. They haven't watched it, but Ted did, because Robin insisted he see how awful Becky is. Cut to the newscast, where Becky gets all cute and whiney about sad news stories, trying to talk about something happy. Back at MacLaren's, Robin asks what Ted thought, and he squeaks that she was charming. Robin would like to know why the little-girl act works on men. Barney, who's also somehow arrived at the table, wonders if Robin would like the long or short version. Everyone: "Short!" Barney: "Who's your daddy?" Lily says that phrase is really creepy, but Marshall thinks it's fun. He says it to her, and Robin asks if Lily is now his daughter, since they make such sweet love. Marshall's logic is that she is not his daughter, but he is her daddy. Ted agrees it's disgusting. Robin says the opposite would never work: A guy could never pick up a girl talking like a little boy. Barney: "Challenge accepted!" He dashes off.

Lily pulls out her list of baby names. Marshall hates Tara because of how obsessed he was with a girl by that name, the hottest girl in school. They even wrote songs about her. Flash horrifyingly to that. Marshall hates the name Esther because of a stripper he and Barney saw who did some disturbing things while naked. Marshall beckons Ted to the bar for a drink, where Ted points out Marshall's list is all boy names, and there is that possibility he could have a girl. Marshall can't even think about that, since he can't imagine being a girl's dad with the way guys treat them. Flash to his fantasy, in which dorks make up a song for his daughter; then one where she's stripping and he's trying to cover her with his coat. Marshall wonders what if she makes bad choices, and flashes to her dating a very old, plastic version of Barney, who asks her "Who's your daddy?" Marshall fantasy vomits. Back at MacLaren's, Marshall just wants a little boy! Ted tells the people around them that's not what it sounds like.

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How I Met Your Mother

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