Marshall and Lily show up, but she's not pregnant yet, because when Marshall got home all ready to sex her up (let's keep reminding ourselves Saget!Ted's telling his kids this story), she was unhappy to show him that his father had sent a bassinet that he made himself. (The setup is genius, though, since Lily tells Marshall that "A big package just arrived," and he's like, "Yeah, it did.") Most women would appreciate this handmade gesture, but not in this case, because it means that -- gasp! -- Marshall told his dad they're working on the baby-making. Back at the bar, Marshall says of course he told his dad; he's his best friend. Ted and Barney, in jealous unison: "Woah!" Marshall tells Lily he's been "saving all his love for" her for two weeks as they've planned for this night. Lily says she's read eleven books on conception, cut out caffeine and sugar, and takes her temperature every hour. "But good for you for not playing with yourself." She leaves the table in a huff, and Marshall has to tell Ted not to touch him since that might actually bring the love at this point. Um, ew. Then he looks at Robin and says he's better now.
Ted clearly didn't believe Robin that the hot girl is on a date, because he asks Barney how much buying the dibs will cost. Barney suggests $250,000, but Ted gives him twenty bucks. Just as Ted is heading over to talk to her, Cindy walks in (it's almost like she's our recapper, stalking me in my first episode as your official recapper) and gives the girl a hug. Ted shrinks back to the booth because of how it all ended badly with Cindy. Robin suggests Ted better move on, but he's remembering the roommate whose ankles he fell in love with. He wonders if this is her, but she's wearing hideous boots so he can't recognize the ankles.
Over at a table along the wall, Marshall's reminding Lily of their plan with the candles and banjos, but she's hung up on who he told. She asks if he told anyone at work, which flashes us sideways to his entire office cheering and playing him out with music, and even a sign telling him to get her pregnant. He says he might have mentioned it, but he had to tell his dad. She's not okay with that, since he's too involved anyway and calls constantly. Flash to myriad phone calls between Mr. Eriksen and Lily: changing her last name for her since she didn't do it, giving advice on dealing with a fight, telling her to put pickles on her sandwich. Lily can't procreate under these conditions, and insists Marshall call and tell his dad they're not having a baby. She's wearing her cute, tight, boob shirt, so he can't even think straight, what with the no sex or masturbation for two weeks.