Outside, Robin and Ted discuss the weird day when Robin's phone beeps. She tells Ted it's Liz, who still wants to meet him. Ted wonders why a "10" would still want to meet him; did Robin oversell her, too? Robin doesn't answer, and says she didn't specify which scale Liz is a "10" on, and that she, in fact, does look like a movie star: Robert De Niro. "But, like, super buff, like in Cape Fear." Wayne and Sam are on the front porch now, with Barney running around the yard, all, "Dad, look how fast I can run." Wayne shows his dad a picture of his son, Eli, on his cell phone.
Saget!Ted jarringly shows up to narrate that they eventually made their way back to Barney's mom's house, where they had a heart to heart. When she comes in to Barney's room to talk to him, he asks her why white people like Carrot Top. I can only speak for myself here, but they really don't. Loretta sits Barney down and says she was always trying to be enough, to be both parents for the boys. But she says Barney deserves the truth: Sam is not his father. Barney: "Are you sure?" Loretta: "Yes. He's black, dear." But she pulls out a piece of paper and says she can tell him who his father is. Saget!Ted says Barney saw his childhood clearly at that moment. Cut to Barney's coach cutting him from the team, and his mom making up the lie. Then to Barney's mom giving him the letter from the postmaster general when he's all alone at his birthday party. Then to the boys watching Santa leave presents. They can only see him from behind, but we can see the face, and it's Loretta's.
Back in the room, Barney tears up the piece of paper and tells his mom he already has a father, "and his name is Loretta." They hug, and Saget!Ted says, "Kids, your uncle Barney grew up without a dad, and it always made him feel incomplete. But as he hugged Loretta, surrounded by the boxed-up remnants of his happy childhood, he realized he had one hell of a mom." But here is what Saget!Ted's captions said: "Kids, Barney would learn the truth about his dad sooner than he ever could have known. But as he hugged Loretta on this, the last day he'd ever set foot in his boyhood home, he realized he had one hell of a mom." I can't understand why they changed the ending at such the last minute, the captioners didn't get the update; maybe they decided not to pursue Barney's real father, after all?
Final scene: Sam and Wayne sing Stand By Me some more, and this time Barney interrupts with a voice machine a la T. Pain. Sam and Wayne get up and leave, but Barney keeps talking with that voice, all, "Dad! Can we go camping?" There were some funny moments, but was that episode ever a big drop in quality from the first? I mean, they didn't have a storyline at all for four of their five main characters. This doesn't bode well.