The wait has been far too long, so let's get right to it, shall we? We open up on a bust of Socrates outside of Columbia University (UCLA was used for the location shots). Carved into the base of the bust is Socrates' famous quote: "All I know is that I know nothing." Since Socrates knew nothing, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed. The camera pans the length of a lecture hall and down to where Ted is teaching. His picture of the Empire State Building is prominently displayed next to the board. Saget!Ted narrates: "Kids, on my first day as a college professor, there were two things I didn't know, that I wish did. The first thing was that your mother was in that classroom." Raise your hands high in the air. Wave 'em like you just don't care... about the mother... anymore. Sorry, Saget!Ted, back to you. "The second thing? Well, to explain it, we have to go back to the beginning of the summer, when, after a year of wrestling with their feelings for each other, Barney and Robin finally, well..."
MacLaren's; June 2009: Lily takes her inner Woooo Girl out for a spin in the wake of learning that Robin and Barney kissed. She jumps to the conclusion that they're finally a couple and plans double dates and the betrothal of any future children. Barney and Robin throw cold water on her fantasies, although Robin admits that Barney's awesome and in turn, he says, "Robin's more than just awe-some. She's awe-quite-a-bit; She's awe-a-whole-darn-lot." The short of it is -- they say they're not "feeling it" but will still be friends. Lily reacts to this as though she's being dumped. Later that night, alone in bed with Marshall, she mourns the future lost by drowning her sorrows in ice cream. Marshall's comforting skills need some honing, since all he can offer is a shoulder pat and a lame, "So, has the boat sailed on sex tonight, or..." Anchors Aweigh, Marshall.
MacLaren's; September 2009: Marshall and Lily give Ted a little congrats-on-the-job gift. Marshall explains that it's something that used to belong to his favorite professor. Ted opens up the box (and is it just me, or is that wrapping paper reminiscent of Marshall's nightshirt) to find a fedora and a bull whip! After Ted screams in delight that he's Indiana Jones, Barney says, "That, my friends, is 'The Dominator 8000', the best bullwhip on the market, according to my whip guy." A beat. "Yeah... I have a whip guy." As Ted and Marshall plan to down their drinks and take the whip out to the alley for some fun (not in a fan-fic way), Robin takes her leave, explaining she has a date. Barney claims to be leaving for similar reasons -- he had a date with a Chinese woman last night, and he's now craving seconds. Yeah, they went there. Out in the alley, Marshall eggs on Ted and his whip, telling him not even to bother aiming at his target. We then cut to Ted's hallway, where Marshall sings a whole new tune about how a whip is not a toy, and common sense is a must. But that's just the nasty lash on his cheek talking. Ouch. Ted offers to let Marshall whip him, and Marshall says, "I will, some other time." Is it too much to hope that will be worked into another slap bet-centric episode? Anyhow, when Lily opens Ted's door to find Robin and Barney making out on the couch, she lets out a huge WOOO! -- I think. It was hard to hear her over the sound of all the east-coast fans doing the same thing.