How I Met Your Mother

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Cindy McLennan: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Dueling Dualities

Toronto; Tim Horton's: Barney continues to laugh at Canadian money until Robin gets serious. She doesn't belong in the States. She doesn't belong in Canada. It's like she doesn't have a country. Barney's had it. He stands up on his chair. "Attention Canada. I am Barney -- from America, and I'm here to fix your backward-ass country. Number 1: get real money. Don't know what board game this came from, but it's a zjhoke. Number 2: and this is the biggie, quit letting awesome chicks like Robin Scherbatsky get away, because guess what? You don't want her? I'm planting my flag in her -- if you know what I mean (which you probably don't) and am getting her the hell out of here. You may now return to being pointless." He sits back down and praises the coffee. As he drinks it, three burly guys come up behind him. When Barney notices them, he grabs onto his tie and turns to face them. "Oh hey, fellas. It's called a... tie." The men give the high sign to a little kid wearing a hockey uniform. He slides his hockey stick through the door handles, to keep anyone from getting in or out. He looks right at Barney as he punches his fist into his palm.

Car: Marshall and Ted do not speak a word as they drive back to retrieve Lily. That's okay though; they have Kenny Rogers on the CD. Kenny continues the story of Sparky, who got jealous when the main character married "Helen." When Kenny says that Sparky felt like Helen had taken his place, Ted looks pointedly at Marshall. When Kenny says that Sparky didn't realize that although he loved Helen, he still loved Sparky, too, Marshall looks back at Ted. Kenny says, "Maybe I should have put some special ball-tossing time aside for the two of us." Ted nods. Kenny says he wishes he had. "'Cause old Sparky ran out in front of a Cadillac and got splattered like a watermelon in one of them Gallagher shows." Ted and Marshall spew apologies at each other, and finally decide they're still best bros. Ted asks Marshall if he wants to crank some Van Halen -- like old times (ignore that stuck Proclaimers' tape; the writers did). Marshall says, "Hells yeah." Ted pauses. "Or... listen to the Sparky book, again?" Marshall bounces up and down. "Let's listen to the Sparky book again."

The Apartment: Robin returns with Barney. He's got a black eye; a now-relocated dislocated shoulder; is wearing a cervical collar and a foot/ankle brace; is using crutches; and is ragging on the Canadian doctors for providing excellent healthcare free of charge. "Idiots." A beat. "All right, I guess they're not idiots. The coffee was extraordinary." He figures Canada isn't all that bad. "If they play their cards right, maybe they could even become a state, someday." Robin puts a pillow beneath Barney's injured foot and tells him that when he stood up and told off "Canada," she thought America was cool. "And then when those guys pounded the stuffing out of you, I thought, 'Yeah, Canada's pretty cool, too'. In fact, after you passed out, I may have taken a few pokes, myself." Barney looks at her out of his good eye. Robin continues: "So, I've decided -- dual citizenship. I'm going to be American and Canadian." Barney says, "Wait. You can do that?" Robin says, "Yeah, dummy. Instead of being a woman with no country, I'm going to be a woman with two." Barney smiles. "I see." Robin says, "You understand?" Barney says, "No, I can see out of my left eye, again."

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How I Met Your Mother

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