How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | 2 USERS: A+

Barney and Britney, er, I mean, Abby, are still in bed. Or maybe they got out of bed and got back in. It's hard to tell. "You know what I hate most about Ted?" she asks, "his stupid hair! His stupid, lame, awesome hair! It's so stupid and awesome!" It's very hard to tell if Britney is trying to play an annoying character or if she's just ignoring the character and speaking the lines as they would appear to someone on a page reading them for the first time. And I say that with all due respect. Barney asks if she knows what he hates about Ted. "WHAT?" she brays. Barney thinks it's lame that Ted wants to fall in love and care about the people he's in a relationship with. "He's so lame and awesome!" she says. Barney wants to show Ted how lame it is the way he acts in a relationship. Abby wants to show Ted that she's over him. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" she asks. Barney thinks so. "You're thinking about having sex with Ted?" she asks. Unfortunately, Britney runs over her own line, saying it way too fast for the joke to register. Barney just looks at her as if she's strange. It's not out of the realm of possibility that Barney was actually thinking that. That's what bro's are for.

Outside, artists are selling their stuff on the street. SagetTed says that after four days, of not selling a painting, Lily was getting desperate. We see her standing among the street artists trying to sell her huge, too-colorful painting. Are those psychedelic clotheslines? Nobody wants Lily's painting, especially not for $500. A guy standing nearby is selling "Tube sox" for $3. Hey, it's Matt Besser from Upright Citizen's Brigade! Love that guy! Lily complains that they don't even react. "Yeah, we're dirt to them," he says. He asks what Lily needs the money for. She says she's fixing the hardwood floors in her new apartment. She asks what he needs. "Heroin," he says. She asks if he likes heroin. "Love it," he says. He admits that if Lily sells her painting, he'll take her money. To buy heroin. She thanks "Crazy sock guy" for his honesty. "I'm never gonna sell this, am I?" she asks. "It's not very good," Sock Guy says immediately.

Just a little while later, Lily is hailing a cab to take herself and her painting away. A gay couple notices the painting. How do I know they're gay? Because in TV Stereotype Land, they dress way better than me, are incredibly fit, and say things like, "Oh my God!" as they lean in provactively. Quick cut to MacLaren's where Lily is throwing down money on the booth table. She got her $500. "Who's the real painter now, Marshall?" she asks. She offers to draw him an Aldrin Original on a napkin to thank him for being a supportive husband. "I'm thinking about calling it... SUCK IT." The napkin says, of course, "SUCK IT!!" Marshall says he's proud and asks who bought it. Lily says it was a gay couple without kids. A G-CWOK. Ted is impressed. That's the heart and soul of the art buying community. Ted suggests that Lily call up the G-CWOKs and have them throw a private art party for their friends in exchange for a free painting. Lily goes to call them. But not before telling Marshall to "Suck it!" one more time. Just then, Barney and Abby enter, holding hands. They're wearing sickeningly matching cyan sweaters. Marshall is also wearing Buddy Holly glasses. Abby is carrying a ginormous black purse. Barney pretends it's an accident they're running into Ted and Marshall. He asks if they've met his girlfriend Abby. Ted asks if they're dating now. Barney says he's done with this whole "Being awesome thing." Barney says he's all about farmers' markets, day hikes and matching khaki shorts. Abby agrees. She says girlfriends are lame, except her. Also, she whispers, she misses Ted. Barney says they're in love. Not passionately, just "Couple love." He says it involves movie night and then waiting for her to go to bed so he can have one fleeting moment of hollow ecstasy in front of the computer monitor. All right, that's pretty funny. "We're showing Ted how lame he is," Abby announces. Barney tells her she doesn't have to say it. She makes a weird face. Ted says he knows what's going on after Abby says his hair looks amazing. He asks them to stop. Barney tells his "Pookie Bear" that he's so pathetically desperate for her that... he gets on his knee and asks her to marry him. He presents her with a ring. She asks if he's serious. Barney says he would never joke about true love. Ted rolls his eyes. Abby agrees to marry him as the whole bar erupts into applause. Abby goes to call her mom as Barney chuckles. Then he gets totally serious. "That's you," he says, pointing at Ted. Ted thinks Abby doesn't get the joke. Abby is telling her mother that it finally happened. She only wishes her dad were alive to walk her down the aisle. "Totally committed to the bit," Barney says, pointing toward Abby. In another corner of the bar, Lily is calling her G-CWOK friends. The man who answers, she says, sounds really happy. "Are you kidding? We're popping the champagne right now!" I hope that's not a euphemism. Or maybe I don't. I'm so confused by my conflicting desires right now. Lily offers the dude a chance to view some of her other paintings. "Oh, honey, oh sweetie, oh..." he says. It turns out they only bought the painting for the frame. It's an original Anton Kreutzer, very rare. Lily asks if they didn't like her painting. "Oh honey, oh sweetie, no, not at all," he says, "but good for you!" Lily asks if she can get the painting back. They don't have it anymore. Lily figures out that they threw it out. She's devastated as she tells Marshall. Just then, Barney buys a round of champagne for the whole bar. He slyly tells the bartender to give everyone ginger ale. "It's a bit," he says.

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How I Met Your Mother




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