How I Met Your Mother

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It's A Christmas Miracle

That's Saget!Ted's cue to back us up yet again. Because while Marshall and Lily are taking that pregnancy test and Robin was flipping a coin about her career with Ted, Barney busts in (which we fast-forwarded through last time) and asks Robin and Ted what is his second-favorite word that begins with B-O-N. (Presumably his favorite is "bone"?) ["Boner"? - Z] Ted guesses "Bon Jovi," which is correct, so Barney changes the question to what is his third favorite? Then he answers for himself: Bonus, as in his year-end bonus check. He shows it to Ted, who is shocked. He reminds Barney he also works for GNB, and all he got was a $15 gift card to Costa Coffee. (Hopefully he can redeem it online since it's a U.K. company. Wouldn't it be more convenient if it were in Boston or something?) Barney tells Ted he earned it, then he shows them what he's going to use his bonus on: A diamond-pin-striped suit, "The DiBiase," which he says is "the uppest a person could ever suit."

Ted asks him if it's occurred to him to give some to charity and Barney scoffs. He says he's "Mister Charity. I frequently sleep with sixes, chubsters, over-30s... I am the Bill and Melinda Gates of the sympathy bang." [Although we've seen him run away in terror from over-30s before. - Z] Then Marshall and Lily come in to make their big announcement, which Ted guesses is a giant bonus check, but Marshall says he just got a $30 gift certificate to Costa Coffee. Ted: "Thirty?!" Then Lily announces the pregnancy, and excitement ensues again: Barney tries to run away, the others hug, and when Barney comes back from running away, he starts thinking about how this is making him less happy about the bonus, and he's still single. Which at least he has going for him. He wonders what he's doing with his life.

Cut to the peaceful, happy scene at MacLaren's, where Marshall says he couldn't imagine anything bringing him down. Barney tells him he only thinks he's happy, because tonight is (for the rest of this scene, he totally channels Oprah) "Barney's Favorite Things!" He imagines everyone in the bar screaming and crying about it, but really people just look at him like he's an idiot. So he explains that he's going to give them a bunch of free stuff like Oprah. They still don't get excited, until he starts giving them stuff: velour track suits (which are what Lily and Marshall are wearing at the doctor), remote-control helicopters, condoms (of course), and a fleet of limos are outside waiting to take them to a strip club. Everyone cheers as Barney points out all the people who will be getting lap dances (still channeling Oprah, which is hilarious).

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How I Met Your Mother

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