As we're shown Robin waffling about getting married to Barney, Barney trying to dash out of a window as well, footage of Barney looking uncertain about his engagement to Quinn and the constant reminders about Ted getting left at the altar by Stella, I can't help but wonder at the massive amount of money that has been wasted on this show on weddings that never actually happened. What happened to splitting up before you get engaged or at the very least realizing this situation is wrong when you can still get some of your deposit back? If I were related to any of these people and had trekked out to Farhampton (or wherever else) for weddings that didn't actually come to fruition, I'd be a little pissed off. Particularly if I shelled out cash for some ugly-ass bridesmaid dress.
Anyway, the episode. So Ted's sitting at a train station in Farhampton and some poor old lady makes the mistake of asking Ted why he's dressed like he came from a wedding. So is this within the story he's telling to his kids still? Or just a separate tale he told to this random stranger? Hard to say, but given that it picks up after last year's cliffhanger, it seems like a framing device within a framing device.
So old lady gets told how ten hours earlier Robin called Ted into her bridal suite to ask if Barney was freaking out. Ted says he's not, but a quick clip shows otherwise. Robin herself wants to know how hard it would be to climb out the window, and Ted says out isn't hard, but getting back in is a challenge. And he knows this from experience because this is the same church that Victoria ditched her betrothed at. And then we never really get more of the Robin story, or why Ted is at the train station… though we see the elusive mother pull up in a cab at the end with the yellow umbrella masking her face and a guitar in a case. So this poor old lady got a shitty story with some random non-sequiturs about people she doesn't know.
For the Ted/Victoria plot, they are making their escape to happily ever after when Ted discovers that Victoria neglected to leave an "I'm sorry" note for Klaus. Ted's got guilt issues for stealing the bride, so he forces her to go back and leave a note at this church that appears to be nowhere near the city and given the train situation and the Hampton in the title, probably several hours out on Long Island. But because Ted had his own jilting experience, he thinks it is only proper.
Victoria sucks at dumping people. Ted forces her to write something nice and then she dispatches him to deliver the letter. He tries to sneak into the church, but is stopped by an intimidating German bridesmaid (presumably related to Klaus) and he has to get Barney to seduce her over the phone, even though he's with Quinn. Introducing the running "It's not cheating if…" gag that I imagine will reappear more than just the two times it did in this episode.
Ted delivers the letter, but leaves his car keys upstairs. Why did he take them when Victoria was sitting in the car? Was he worried she was going to steal the car? And it's nighttime now, so she might have appreciated heat. Now he has to scale the wall (which he has some childhood fear of) using a drain pipe. While he's sneaking in, he sees Klaus sneaking out. Klaus (played by comic ringer Thomas Lennon) isn't ready for this commitment either (nice time to decide that) and is also fleeing. Ted switches the note in the bridal suite so it looks like Victoria was jilted and left upset (always trying to make other people look better, this one). Why is there a giant bed in this bridal suite? Especially since it's in the middle of a church? And how early did they get there since it was daytime and she had a chance to go to find Ted and then trek back out here and now it is night? Longest wedding day ever.
Ted then goes and confronts Klaus about why he's leaving (maybe this time he left Victoria in the car with the keys?) There's a lot of German here, but the gist is that you just know instantly if you are with the right one, and he knew Victoria wasn't his destiny. Why didn't he know this BEFORE HE PROPOSED TO HER? Ted agrees that he knows someone just like that, and this seems like the end for Victoria, who will now end up double dumped on her wedding day?
Back in the city, Marshall and Lily are suffering from baby brain, and they can't remember that Barney's engaged or that they shouldn't tell Quinn that Barney and Robin used to date. Especially since Quinn just asked practical strangers Lily and Robin to be her bridesmaids because her stripper friends are just too tacky.
Quinn quickly finds out about Robin, then gets upset and then is appeased when she sees Robin's new boyfriend Nick and his amazing abs. She doesn't know about the secret storage unit that Barney keeps his whole box of Robin related memorabilia in.
The only redeeming thing in this whole episode is the countdown clock that Quinn initiates when she gives Barney a chance to explain himself. He essentially sums up the entire Ted/Robin/Barney messed up love triangle and his time on The Price Is Right in less than 60 seconds. Boy, do I feel like I've wasted a lot of time.
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