Saget!Ted tells his kids about how he'd just started dating Zoey, and how everyone wants to know the same thing. At MacLaren's, he asks Wendy the Waitress (not looking any younger, actually), "How did we meet?" Zoey tries to stop him, but he explains it all (minus the Arcadian and her early hatred of him): She was unhappily married to the Captain, lover of boats. Ted was careful not to cross lines in their friendship (scene of her sitting on the couch watching a movie, and him sitting back at his desk, watching from across the room). Then Zoey and the Captain had a big fight, and the Captain demanded a divorce. She was heartbroken, but rebuilt herself and then ended up back in Ted's life. Wendy the Waitress: "Actually, I said, 'How is your meat?'" He tells her it's a little cold, and she sarcastically wonders why.
Zoey asks Ted if he's picked up that box she left at her old apartment, and he explains that, no, because he's too much of a wuss to see the Captain, who scares the panties off him. But in a totally manly way. Marshall gets up to leave, and apologizes, but he has to go clear a meaningless stack of paperwork off his desk to make way for an equally meaningless one tomorrow. Barney nods approvingly. Marshall says it's all worth it, though, because at least he knows he's making the world a... place. Ted thinks Marshall hasn't been himself lately, and Lily agrees he's been quiet. She says that he has no interest in the stuff he used to love. Barney winks and tells her that he has a finely calibrated sense of how long it's been since -- "how do I not put this delicately? -- a girl's been porked." And he tells her it's been five and a half months for her. She thinks he should work at a carnival, but he says the background checks are too tough.
Lily, Zoey and Ted leave Barney alone to give Robin a knowing look. She hasn't had sex for eighteen weeks. She agrees she's been in a bit of a funk, so he says he'll throw her one. I mean, they're exes, and are due for a backslide. "Or we could just do it the normal way." Robin thinks this is about Nora. He met a girl and liked her, but missed his shot, so now he's trying to hook up with his ex to show he doesn't care. He says she's way off, and also: "How'd I miss my shot?" She tells him Nora met a guy, and he acts shocked and heartbroken, then quickly changes to fake apathy. She tells him the guy's taking Nora to Café L'Amour, and Barney's even more upset because "love" is right there in the restaurant's name. Then he's all, "I'm fine. It's fine." He tells her the point is he doesn't even like Nora (big smile).