...Gasser. While still down under, Lily explains that in Middle School, Michael Sasser was a loser. Freshman year of high school, after his 12-inch growth spurt and joining the baseball team, Sasser was on the precipice of being cool (er... I have to call b.s. on account of his hair). One day, Lily passed gas in biology class and was not stealthy about it, so she pointed the stinky finger of blame at Stasser, and re-Christened him Gasser -- even getting the other kids to chant along. This scene rocks, by the way. The rest of the class is made up of actors who probably are about 14 years old. Alyson Hannigan is wearing a long black wig with heavy bangs, is dressed all in black and has lily (oops) white skin, and dark eye makeup, and she barely looks out of place -- even though she's got two decades on these kids. I mean, she doesn't look 14, but she fits in well enough that it's not jarring to watch. Well done, show. Anyhow, she reports that Sasser endured so much teasing he eventually had to switch schools to escape the ridicule. Barney says, "Kids are awesome." Hee. Lily says that if she ran into him today, she'd make things right between them. Robin can't resist. "Right. Clear the air as it were." She snickers at her own joke. "Oh, man. Those don't come around often." She makes little Oprahesque gestures with her hands. "Y'all are welcome." Barney can't help but laugh at her. Aww.
Still down under: The waiter joins the gang. He asks if they're all right. Ted says, "Oh, yeah. We're just going to be eating down here, if that's okay." The waiter gives Ted his almonds and Ted asks about the specials. The rest of the gang protests loudly. I bet the cast was ready for that. My hat's off to them for staying under that table as long as they do. They complain that placing their orders and dining under the table is ludicrous. Barney takes the reins. "Ted, I am a person who... well, let's just face it. There are a lot of people I don't want to see -- people of the chicks I've banged persuasion. But if any of them were to walk in here, I would stand up. I would look them right in the eye -- some of them for the very first time." Ted calls him on this, and suggests that Barney would hide from Becca DeLucci. Barney says, "You son of a bitch," and the waiter asks, "Who's Becca DeLucci." Barney looks at him, and says, "Do you mind?" The waiter slinks away, feeling no more popular than Gasser. Goodbye little waiter. Barney explains that Becca DeLucci is an inmate at Bedford Hills Federal Penitentiary (there actually is a Bedford Hills State Correctional facility in Westchester County). The visits were, of course, of a conjugal nature. "What I had with Becca was a perfect relationship. She was only allowed, by law, to call me once a week. If she ever got clingy, the armed guards stopped her, and I never had to pay for dinner. Well that's not true; I pay taxes. Then again, I guess we all paid for dinner. Thanks guys." But the last time he visited, he screwed things up.