How I Met Your Mother

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Cindy McLennan: B+ | Grade It Now!
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How I Bought Your House

This is the first solid episode in a good little while, but the kids are on vacation and my oldest had a doctor's appointment. I've only got about an hour to weecap it before Lost starts, so expect this cap to be oh-so-wee. Cue stock footage of Ted's kids on the couch. I feel so sorry for them, stuck there, forever. Saget!Ted introduces tonight's outing by telling them that everyone makes one or two crazy decisions that change their lives forever. This is the story of his.

Ted's mother, Virginia (Christine Rose; Angela Petrelli on Heroes) and her lover Clint (Harry Groener; Mayor Wilkins on Buffy the Vampire Slayer) come for a visit, and wackiness ensues, mostly because Clint is one wacky dude, who is always saying things like, "Ted, your mother is a very erotic woman." And poor Ted is always half-saying/half-praying, "Please don't." But that doesn't stop Clint. This painter/songwriter/volunteer fear fighter finds Virginia "Incredibly sexual." He waits a beat. "But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me? Good." When Clint leaves the room, Virginia rises and says, "I cannot believe I am with that man." While we all see this for the set-up it is, Ted doesn't, because he doesn't know he's living in an aging sitcom. As he tries to tell his mother than she doesn't have to settle, Virginia turns to face him and squees like a tween at a Justin Bieber concert. "He is so cool! And he picked me! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!" Ugh. When Ted says he's glad they're both happy, Clint and Virginia share their special news with him. They're getting married.

Theme Song(s)!

MacLaren's: Ted's own mother is marrying for the second time -- before Ted even marries once. As the gang toasts the happy couple at the bar, we cut to Ted trying to play along, but Son-zilla scowls as he furiously chugs his beer. Cut to...

Reception Venue: Ted and the gang attend the wedding. At the reception, he tries to have a good time, but ends up dancing with people like Aunt Meredith (Marianne Muellerleile) who's droning on about the importance of sterilization in home canning (not that she's wrong). Ted's mother says romantic things like the fact that today makes her feel like the last 35 years of her life have never happened. Her 30-something year old Son-zilla is thrilled at that, to be sure. But nothing beats the thrill Ted gets when his new step-father presents him with a portrait he painted of himself and Virginia. In it, they're nude. Virginia is standing behind Clint, but wrapping her leg around him, and Clint's holding a guitar over his naughty bits. Saget!Ted: "Kids, there was no guitar." Prop department -- thank you for the guitar. As Ted struggles to breathe, his friends fail to contain their inner 12-year-olds. Robin: "Best." Marshall: "Wedding." Barney: "Ever!" They laugh, giggle and clap, while Ted hastily tosses the cloth covering back over the abomination. Speaking of abominations...

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How I Met Your Mother

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