Saget!Ted opens the show by narrating (to stock footage of his kids) that although in most of his stories he's the starry-eyed romantic, this time, he's just the jerk. Just this time? And don't worry, Ted, you're not the only one feeling like a jerk, but more on me, later. You ready? Okay.
MacLaren's: Ted's into this new girl Tiffany (Carrie Underwood), and he tells the gang that tonight's the night he is going to invite her up to his place to... see his antique camera collection. The guys discuss bait they've used (bait: that which a gentleman provides to a lady as an excuse to visit his place, so that they can both pretend they're not intending to have sex). Ted mentions vinyl records as a viable option. Marshall has used a "rap poster" (on Lily, who pleads youthful indiscretion; it was the first week of college and she was into the Wu-Tang Clan). Barney lectures that picking just the right bait is tricky. He has used a slot machine (too entertaining, per the flashback of his mark ignoring him), a trampoline (too dangerous, per the flashback of his mark getting carried out on a stretcher), but recently and most successfully, he's been using a teacup pig, whom we will henceforth call Teabagger. Ted's ready to scoff, but when Lily, Robin and even Marshall (so adorable) squeal in appreciation, he changes his scoff to a request to borrow Teabagger for his big night. Later, at Ted's Apartment, Tiffany squeals and swoons over Teabagger, but after Ted flirts with her and moves in for a kiss, she mentions someone else who would love the pig as well -- her boyfriend.
Tiffany dithers over whether or not the other guy (TOG) is actually her boyfriend or not. She then claims to really like Ted, and asks him to be patient. "I don't want to lose you, Big Brown Eyes." Ted might be swayed by that tripe, but it's no Teddy Westside (or T-Mos), if you ask me.
MacLaren's: When Ted fills the gang in on his evening with Tiffany, they laugh because she *so* has Ted on the hook. When Ted denies this, Robin says she's been on both sides -- hookee and... I don't have finish that, right? Marshall too has been on the hook, Lisa Walker's hook to be precise. Lily rolls her eyes and scowls as Marshall sets up his tale of woe. It was back in...