DOWISETREPLA: Lily tells Marshall: "Lunch Lady Scooter was there, today." Marshall asks if she jumped on that thing and gave it a ride. Horrified, Lily says, "No!" Marshall: "Really? If it were me, I'd be riding that scooter all day long, until I broke that thang in half." We leave Lily to shudder and cringe and return to...
MacLaren's: Marshall says, "So those poor women still have to walk everywhere?" This would not be getting quoted were it not for JS's delivery, by the by. He then realizes he's lost the plot. "Wait! Scooter is working at your school?" He's not jealous, but he feels badly for Scooter, and tells Lily she has to make it clear that there's no chance for him... "So he can move on, and a real lunch lady can get her job back. Dayum." Lily has tried, but when she looks at Scooter's heartbroken face and puppy dog eyes, she feels so sorry for him, she always throws in the "Right now." Marshall can't believe she "right now-ed" Scooter and tells her it's time to set him free. She will, the day after tomorrow (tomorrow is Tijuana Tuesday in the caf, and Lily can't ruin it for Scooter).
Another Night at MacLaren's: Barney can't believe Ted is sitting around, hoping Tiffany will show up at the bar, when all she had said is that she would try to stop by. Ted says, "I'm not giving up on her." Saget!Ted narrates: "I should have given up on her." Ted: "This girl is special." Saget!Ted: "She was the devil." Ted: "Things are going to work out with Tiffany." Saget!Ted: "No they're not, dumbass." Barney thinks Ted should cut this poison out of his life...at least until she and all her hot, female co-workers stroll in, wheeling their wares behind them. At that point, Barney leans in toward his friend. "Hang onto this girl, Ted. Hang on and never let go!" Commercial.
After the break, Barney realizes that Tiffany and Co. are pharmaceutical sales reps. He tells Ted that it is the current cutting-edge profession to which hot girls are flocking. "Hot Pharma-Girl" was funny seven and a half years ago, when Heather Locklear played one on on Scrubs. But anyhow, Barney then gives Ted an abridged history of Hot Girl Jobs, starting 2.5 million years ago. Cutting-Edge Gatherer Girl (Underwood) approaches Hunter Barney. He grunts, "Homo Erectus," to her, and then turns to the camera with wink (and an audible twink). Next, Barney tells Ted, "As man mastered technology, the hottest profession of the day evolved." Sexy Nurse Underwood approaches the hospital bed of Wounded Soldier Barney. He says, "I'm pretty sure it's a hernia." He lifts his covers to give her an NC-17 peek. "Can you check again?" She gives him a Marilyn Monroe-esque smile and shrug. Barney twinks. "And then man took to the skies." Next, Mad Men Barney is a plane passenger. "And so hot women put on high heels and became stewardesses." Flight Attendant Underwood brings Mad Men Barney a martini. He says, "I am in the upright and locked position." She brings her hand to her chest as she laughs. Barney twinks before he drinks. Back in the bar, current-day Barney tells Ted: "And then man said, 'Life is hard. I should start taking lots of prescription drugs,' and so hot girls rolled into doctor's offices, looking sexy enough to render the very erection pills they peddle ironically redundant." So now, Pharma-Girls are today's hottest profession."