Tiffany saunters over to the booth, boops Ted on the nose and calls him Big Brown Eyes. In her presence, he has about as much couth as 1994 Marshall. When she reveals she still hasn't ditched her boyfriend, all Ted can think about is that she touched his nose. Once she struts off, Barney tells Ted he must ditch her and join him in the Pharma-Girl free-for-all. "Side effects may include loss of clothing; rug burn; shortness of breath; and sore abdominals the next morning...what in the WORLD is up?" He raises his hand but Ted leaves him hanging as we cut to...
DOWISETREPLA: When Lily gets home, Marshall surprises her with Teabagger. After Lily squees and coos, Marshall makes her practice her cutting-loose speech on the pig, in order to harden her heart enough that she'll be able to set poor Scooter free. Lily tries her damnedest. She even dons Willow's Resolve-Face, but she can't do it. The pig is ridiculously cute, but I am Major Lee Annoyed by this episode, so I refuse to be manipulated. Right now. Marshall tells Lily to grow a pair. She apologizes to her husband; the pig is just so cute that she wants to cuddle him all day long. Marshall: "That's funny, I remember when you used to say the same thing about me." Lily insists she still does. Marshall: "Not as much, Lily. Not as much." Nothing gold can stay.
MacLaren's: Barney dances up to Ted. "Ain't no party like a Pharma-Girl party, 'cause a Pharma-Girl party don't stop!" And that one was barely funny when Michael Scott did it three and a half years ago. Barney has already hooked up with three of the women. "My cholesterol is down; my restless leg syndrome is cured; I've never felt more alive."
After Barney scurries off toward a new mark, Ted joins Robin, Marshall and Lily and shares his "great news." "Tiffany broke up with her boyfriend -- proof that I'm not on the hook." When Robin disagrees, he offers last night up as evidence. "First, we cuddled." In the flashback, Ted's all into it, while Tiffany is into the TV and the popcorn. "Then, we shared chocolate cake." Ted feeds it to Tiffany. "Then, well, I don't usually join in on 'locker-room talk,' but I gave her a pretty sensual foot rub." Robin correctly surmises that it went no further. Lily nails Ted as having made the chocolate cake for Tiff. Ted downplays it. "It was a mix." Lily says everyone has been on the hook and kept someone on the hook. Everyone nods, but I think Marshall is fronting on the kept part. Ted says he's never kept someone on the hook. Robin reminds him about Henrietta, from the university library, who's currently falling for Ted, hook, line and sinker. Ted argues that they're just friends. Robin laughs. "She is so on your hook." Ted says, "Absolutely not." Saget!Ted says, "She totally was." We flash back.