How I Met Your Mother

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Jesus Take The Wheel

Out-of-Town Wedding Hotel Room: Ted, in a tuxedo, is pouring champagne (over strawberries) into crystal flutes, and hoping to take it to the next level. When did this show become The Bachelor? Just then, Tiffany enters. Make that Tiffany and TOG. TOG (Jack: Jeff Leaf) is the best man, and Tiffany's ex. They've just gotten back together. Tiffany forget to tell Ted. TOG is not without pity. "You're Ted? Ouch... But I hear you make a mean chocolate cake." Ted fumes. Tiffany smiles, cluelessly. TOG sneers and lays his tuxedo jacket on the bed, next to Ted's. Tiffany takes the two champagne flutes from Ted's still outstretched arms, squees about how great TOG is ("And, he's in a band...") drinks one, and hands the other to TOG.

DOWISETREPLA: Marshall encourages Lily to cut Teabagger loose, again. She fails at first, but when Marshall tells her to man up, she goes nose to snout with the pig, and does. "I don't want to be with you... ever." Marshall smiles. "Finish him!" Lily cringes. "We will never be together in any sort of sexual way, ever again." (Look for a reveal, coming to you in the future.) Marshall smiles. "Nice!" They nod at each other, and then their smiles fade. Marshall says, "Sort of a weird thing to say to a pig." Lily grimaces and nods. "Oh, really wrong." Amen.

Out-of-Town Wedding Hotel Room: Tiffany massages TOG's feet as she tells Ted, "I don't think you and I are going to work... right now." That's when Ted realizes he must free himself, and that Tiffany is on TOG's hook, Henrietta was on his (Ted's) hook, and years later, he learns some other guy was on Henrietta's hook. Ted turns to Tiffany. "You know what? We're not going to work -- ever. I'm done." He grabs a jacket off the bed, opens the door to leave and then turns back. "And it's really better for the circulation if you knead the arches with your thumbs.... Now I'm done." Don't it make my brown eyes blue?

Lily's School Cafeteria: Marshall looks on as Lily, finally having grown a pair (of ovaries, I presume), cuts Scooter loose, but he's so sweet, pitiful and vulnerable, that every time she tells him there can never be anything between them, Marshall ends up adding the hookish, "Right now." At one point he adds, "Hang in there, Scoots. I'm not going to live forever." Hee.

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How I Met Your Mother

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