Hang on to your hats, gentle readers. This here is an actual episode of How I Met Your Mother. And it hasn't even been recast with Seinfeld characters. Welcome back, dear show and likeable people. Let's get to it.
At MacLaren's, our dear friends Robin, Ted, Lily and Marshall, discuss how crazy he is if he thinks this is going to work. Marshall thinks it's going to work. Lily hopes it doesn't work. And Ted shushes us, because here he come comes. He is Barney, and this is dressing up as the 80-year-old version of himself to scam chicks. I wonder if I need to turn in my feminist card, because I sort of want to see it work. Sorry, Mum. Back to the show -- aging make-up usually sucks, but the HIMYM artists outdid themselves this week, don't you think? Barney introduces himself to a young lovely, who tells him her name is Cindy. Uncomfortable, now. "I knew it! You're the Cindy! You're the one who can change everything, or spell our inevitable doom!" Barney tells Cindy that he's on an urgent mission from the future. When she questions him, he says he can prove it. "In exactly four seconds, the woman at that booth is going to slap that man." He clears his throat, and as any reliable wingman would, Robin hauls off and smacks Ted, which I've been hoping someone would do for a couple of weeks, but I figured they'd wait until he started whining about something.
Cindy is amazed. Old Barney tells Cindy that he knows this sounds crazy, and he doesn't really have time to explain it thoroughly, but if she doesn't sleep with young Barney tonight, the earth is doomed. If she does sleep with him tonight, young Barney will be able to solve the problem of global warming and save the human race! I feel like there's a political joke to be made in there somewhere, but it just won't come (which doesn't look like it's going to be a problem for Barney). Old Barney has to get back to the reality accelerator before the vortex closes. Not a paraphrase. "Only you can save us, Cindy! I must away!"
Meanwhile, the rest of the gang discuss their prospective moves -- Robin's to Japan; Marshall and Lily's to Dowisetrelpa; Ted's to New Jersey. Robin, whose outfit is making me crave McDonald's food, is her usual pragmatic self and brags that she was able to pack up her things in about a half-hour to move halfway around the world. Ted, Marshall and Lily are taking a bit longer, because they've been reminiscing about the great times they've shared in the apartment, but their movers are due in 14 hours. Lily's surprised it only took Robin half an hour to pack to move all the way to Japan. Robin says it would have only taken her 20 minutes, but a friend called her in tears. Marshall says, "Moving is really emotional, okay?" Poor Marshall -- he doesn't even get to move to New Jersey, home of the spacious PriceCo. Ted restates the obvious, that everything is changing and proposes a toast to the end of an era, with better hooch than their usual rotgut. "Hey Wendy, your most expensive bottle of Scotch." Wendy pours him a cup of reality she must have gotten from Barney that time she took a ride on his reality accelerator. "It's 50-year-old McKenna, and it costs $2,500." Ted doesn't blink. "Excellent! A bottle of that, with uh beer chasers, and..." he addresses the group, "What do you think? Cancel the Scotch?" Everyone agrees. Huh. Lily really did cut up her credit cards.