God help me, it is only 9 PM on Friday. I'm hoping these people all go to bed really early or fall through a wormhole into the future. Something. Anything. Instead, we get Ted trying desperately to figure out which chick he should spend the entire weekend banging. To make it more convenient, Barney and Robin went through the guest list to find three eligible bachelorettes. Barney likens this to like picking the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, except a man who has Star Wars memorabilia prominently displayed in his house can't remember that the goblet is called the Holy Grail.
Ted goes for the seemingly easy lay of former gymnast Cassie (played by the delightful Anna Camp), but the ghostly knight tells him he choose poorly. While he doesn't disintegrate into dust in front of our eyes (but man, would that make this show so much better), he does have to deal with her talking about her ex-boyfriend, dealing with losing her job and paying for dinner with her parents who seem to be into the dine and dash. While it's always nice to see the bundle of energy that is Camp, her effervescent talents seem wasted, though it looks like she'll be sticking around for more of the weekend, so maybe there's hope? I'm grasping at straws here, people.
Back to more actual wedding planning, we meet the minister who is going to marry Robin and Barney (until he finds out that they stole Lily and Marshall's stories to impress him). He's played by Mr. Gilmore himself, Edward Herrmann. He is one of the few people to call Robin and Barney out for being the horrible people they are, and so immediately he's my personal favorite. Sadly, that means he also winds up dead…because Robin and Barney killed him. Yes, killed him. Their over-the-top stories about their sexual exploits, lying to get him to marry them, and their proposal (which does come down to Barney lying for months about sleeping with someone else), gives the minister a heart attack. In classy fashion, they only care because this makes their life inconvenient because they need a new person to marry them with only a few days' notice. Cry me a river. And I'm not a judge or overly familiar with the legal system, but I'm pretty sure a case for second-degree manslaughter could be made.
Out in the wilds of their cross-part-country road trip, Daphne's being a nice person and asking Marshall why he's waiting to tell Lily about his job offer. He claims he wants to do it in person. So Marshall and Daphne role play, which involves us seeing Lily and Marshall talk, but with Daphne doing Lily's voice. It's creepy. Daphne doles out some sage advice, until she finds out that dumbass Marshall accepted the job already, without even discussing it with his wife and then she gets truly pissed off. And we find out that her job is helping big oil companies, and that she and Marshall are going to be rivals. Oh, and because Marshall pissed her off, she texted Lily saying that Marshall (who dubs himself "The Convincer," to my dismay) has taken the job.