Heather looks Ted right in the eye. "Barney and I didn't have sex."
"Save it. Lily saw you."
Barney says, "Or did she?" Flashback to Barney's office. While he unbuttons his shirt, Heather messes up her hair and undoes a few of her own buttons. "You see, Ted, you had so little faith in Heather and me..."
Over a shot of Barney peeling off his shirt, Heather says, "We decided to give you exactly what you expected of us."
While we see Lily enter the office, Barney voices over, "And I knew we could count on Lily to blab." Ted wants to know why they'd do this. Heather says Ted deserved it. I think she probably is pretty flakey, but I can't argue with her, there. Barney says, "Ted, you know I'm no saint. And yes, it's true that time I drove your mother to the airport... well, let's just say there was a very confusing, sexually charged moment in short-term parking." Heather looks horrified. Ted looks repulsed. But Barney keeps talking. "But I said I would never go near your sister, and I meant it. You should have trusted me." Eh. I don't know, Barney.
Heather tells Ted, "You're so convinced I'm still some out-of-control teenager, you missed the fact I grew up." Despite Lily's excuses, the shoplifting incident eight months ago doesn't really shore up your point. Heather doesn't care. Righteous anger is a nummy holiday tradition. "I'm gonna find a hotel. I'll get my things later. Merry Christmas." And with that, she storms out of MacLaren's.
Barney then says the five words no person wants to hear from a friend: "Your mom and I kissed." [What?!? Barney violated Bro Code article 104? I can't believe -- well, okay, I guess I can. - Zach]
At the Walleye, Robin is playing Fisherman's Quest, while Marshall sits by, fuming. Robin catches one fish, uses it to catch another, and beats Marshall's high score. As Number One rips down Marshall's high score cardboard sign, Marshall yells, "She's Canadian! Robin's Canadian!" Once he has everyone's attention, he lowers his voice, some. "She's Canadian. She's not from Bemidji, and she doesn't know a darn thing about the Vikings." Number One accuses Marshall of being angry because Robin got the FQ high score. Marshall turns to Robin. "In the '99 NFC championship game when the Vikings lost..." Marshall gestures at the crowd which yells Damn!.
Robin adds, "Oh, damn!" a second late.
"...Who was the kicker who missed the field goal?" BOOM! Lawyered!