MacLaren's: Barney and Marshall are at the bar and Marshall doesn't know how much longer he can keep up with the league. Barney tells Marshall, "Last week, you were trash that no one wanted to look at. Now you're Sports Guy." Marshall cringes. "I was trash?" Barney waves his hand. His voice rises. "Last week."
Ted and Robin enter, and the foursome walks to the Lily-less booth. Marshall asks how his business is going, and Ted says it was going fine "until Robin started banging my assistant." Marshall thinks this is hysterically funny, but Barney looks like he just sat down the wrong way on his hemorrhoids. Robin reminds Ted they share the (HIS!) apartment. "You leave a big chocolate cake on the counter, Mama's gonna cut her off a slice." Barney winces and grimaces as she talks and then says, "I told you, hire a cute assistant that you can sleep with. But instead, you hire a cute assistant that Robin can sleep with." He's nearly shouting now. "And of course he's gonna sleep with her, Ted. Look at her!" He gestures at Robin who's sitting next to him in the booth. "She's the greatest woman on the planet!" Robin smiles and raises her eyebrows at that, but that's lost on Barney. He shuts his eyes for a moment. "I'm getting off topic!" Eyes open again, pries his index finger out of the clenched-fist position and points at Ted. "You're an idiot! That's my message!" He scoops up a palm full of peanuts and crushes them in his hand, spraying shells and nutmeat all over the place. "You're an idiot!" He then rises and starts to stomp off but returns to the table and says, "No. One person storming off isn't enough! Marshall, storm off with me!" Marshall rises and gestures back and forth. His heart isn't in it, but he shakes his fists and stomps his foot all the same, and joins Barney at the bar.
He asks Barney why he's so upset about Ted not having sex with his employees. Barney says, "It hurts." Marshall asks how, and Barney replies, "It hurts because I love... Ted... having sex with women. I'm a very dedicated wingman!" Marshall totally knows that Barney loves Robin; you can tell by his big grin during this conversation. Barney tells Marshall that Lily is the only one he can talk to about this and asks Marshall to try to get her to talk to him. Marshall says he'll try, "but there's no guarantee. She's still really outraged about that joke. Grrr. That joke. It's torn our little group apart. Pitted people I love against each other. Seriously, I wish... I wish that joke had never come into our lives." Both men then snicker, because the joke is "so funny." No it's not. [Yeah, not really. - Z]