On the way from the barstools to their table, Barney lists some permutations of The Cheerleader Effect: "The Bridesmaid Paradox; Sorority Girl Syndrome; and for a brief window in the Nineties, the Spice Girls Conspiracy. Scary Spice, indeed." Oh c'mon. Who's scarier than Posh? Once they're seated, Barney's phone rings. After intentionally mumbling his name, he has a short conversation. "Oh, hi! Okay. Got it. Great, we'll be in touch." After he hangs up, he simply says, "Huh." Ted says, "What?" Barney says, "Apparently, I'm going to be a dad."
That kept your ass on the couch, didn't it? Ted says, "What do you mean you're going to be a dad? How did this happen?" How do you think, Ted? Oh - look, Robin's giving him the "How do you think, Ted?" look. Thanks, Robin. Barney explains it was some girl he hooked up with a few weeks back. She's not sure yet; she's going to the doctor in the morning. The more interesting story, and the one we never hear, would be how this woman got Barney's real name and phone number. Lily suggests the pregnancy could just be a false alarm, but Barney's ego won't hear of it. "Lily, no part of Barney Stinson does anything less than 110%." Oh, Barney, don't be that guy. I don't mean with the women; I'm a realist. I mean with that 110% garbage. You get 100 or less, you hear? "If one of my little Michael Phelpses got loose - he's swimming for the gold." Voice shaking, Barney stands. "Oh, this is a nightmare. I don't want kids. Who in their right mind would want ever kids?" Hand to forehead, he walks out of the bar.