Flash forward to MacLaren's - it's the same night we saw in the cold open. Lily shoves Robin off on Ted for the following night, because she's "cooking Marshall dinner." Marshall's face is all, "I'M HAVING THE SECKS!" Robin warns Ted that he'd better not be as uptight as Marshall and Lily about her shooting beer cans on the roof, and mocks them soundly. Marshall says, "Enjoy her, Ted. She's in a real good place, right now." Lily pats Ted's arm.
Cut to Barney, in church. No, the roof hasn't caved in. He's ramping up to make some big promises. "God, it's me, Barney. What up? I know we don't talk much, though a lot of girls call out your name because of me. Awesome!" No lightning yet. Huh. "But God, if you could get me out of this, I swear I will never ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ev..." His cell phone rings. A handful of elderly people in front of him turn and glare. He puts God on hold with a, "Oooh, hang on, Bro." Still no lightning. He leans back in the pew and gestures for the other parishioners to get back to their business, then answers the phone. "Go for Barney." His eyes grow wide. "Really?" Cut to outside. There's happy Hollywood Musical Dance Number-style music playing, as Barney does a fantabulous dance out the door of the church and all the way down the sidewalk. It's definite rewind material. When he dances his way into Marshall's office, he says, "Marshall, great news. I'm not a father." Marshall congratulates him, but I think Barney should be doing the congratulating, considering Marshall's hair isn't at its most hideous in this scene. Instead, Barney blathers on about how wonderful it is to not be an expectant father. He's so happy, he's creating a holiday: Not A Father's Day (Barney: Title high five!). He reasons that everyone else gets a day: "Mothers, Fathers, Bastilles. Why can't there be a day for people who are single and like it that way?" The parents in the audience whisper, "That's everyday." Marshall says, "Oh well now you just sound like the chubby girl on Valentine's Day." Heh.
Kevin Arnold's father walks in and makes me realize how much I like narrated shows - this one, The Wonder Years, Pushing Daisies are just a few. Dan Lauria is playing Marshall's boss, Nolan. Barney asks him how his kids are, then laughs a nasty little laugh. He asks Marshall if he's ready for tonight and the "big merger." Marshall gets all bashful and says that's between him and his wife. Nolan reminds them they have a teleconference with Mr. Li in China. Marshall protests that it's supposed to be a breakfast meeting. Nolan explains that it is a breakfast meeting...in China.