Meanwhile, at GNB, Marshall's got five minutes before his big meeting. Even his boss is nervous about meeting with Mr. Li, so he tells Marshall to bring his "A-Game." Marshall goes to his office to find Lily, well in her cups (and a pretty short nightie), lying across his desk, telling him to put a baby in her. "Put your melon-headed spawn in my belly." You can tell Alyson Hannigan is pregnant, because she is working some nice cleavage here. Marshall panics and draws the blinds after Lily starts waving to men in other offices who are looking at his drunken, scantily clad wife in heavy seduction mode.
In a cab, still not driven by Ranjit (boo), Ted frets about losing Lily. Robin says this is why she's not having kids. "You can't let them out of your sight for even a second.
At GNB, Marshall can't find the file he needs for the teleconference, while Alyson Hannigan suffers through playing the world's worst, least convincing drunk (but to be fair to her, the writers are stretching the point of how caring for the inebriated and caring for a baby are similar - when everyone knows it's toddlers that are the real dry drunks). Cut to the cab, while Robin says, "They just sit there with their stupid bottles." Cut to Lily drinking wine straight from the bottle in Marshall's office. Cut to Robin saying babies cry. Cut to Lily crying like a baby when Marshall takes the bottle from her - so he gives it back. Cut to Robin saying babies spit up. Cut to Lily heaving in Marshall's wastebasket. Cut to Robin saying, "And that's why kids suck." Ted says it's a good think they broke up. "I'd forgotten how totally psycho you are on the kids thing." Robin says, "I'm psycho? Every time you even hear the word kids, you get two little lactation stains on your shirt." Hee! Ted says, "Thank God you're not a mom. Any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze." For a sensitive guy, Ted can be stunningly insensitive. That was a little mean. Funny, but mean.
Ted and Robin bicker all the way to MacLaren's where they hope to find Lily, but instead find Barney inducting men into his new Not-A-Father cult. Robin makes the (valid) point that there are plenty of normal people who don't want to have kids, and not to sermonize, but she's right. I can't remember not wanting to be a mother, but I admire people who have the presence of mind to know it's not what they want. Robin and Ted pause to watch as Barney swears his latest inductee into his new cult. He has the man lay his hand upon a box of condoms and recite the pledge: "I, (state the fake name you give to women), vow to always choose wet T-shirts over wet diapers..." And Mr. "Johnny Banana" begins his pledge as Ted snarks that Robin is in great company. She ignores that last dig and says she's going to look for Lily in the bathroom. "While I'm in there, I'll grab you a tampon." Ted says, "Great, great, and when you're done shaking off at the urinal, maybe you could ask the wizard to give you a heart." These two (actors and characters) are having entirely too much fun bickering, I tell you what. Robin says, "You know what, maybe I should find somewhere else to stay this weekend." Ted says he's not arguing. Robin says, "Fine," and walks off. Meanwhile, Barney welcomes his latest inductee, "To our fraternity of non-paternity," and baptizes him with scotch. Barney shouts, "He is one of us!" and the crowd of men surrounding Barney cheers.