MacLaren's: Barney yells, "Aha! You're trying that Of Course You're Still Single: Take a Look at Yourself, You Dumb Slut crap on me!" J.Lo takes great umbrage at the idea that Dumb Slut is crap, arguing that it's brilliant and closing with, "And, it scares away guys who are only interested in getting laid." Barney: "Why not just say you have a kid?" I hate myself for laughing. They move on to discuss the book's recommendation of not sleeping with a guy on the first date. Barney fakes like that's fine with him for dates one and two. Date three? "Well..." The fourth date: "Would you tell me how many dates?!" Per J.Lo -- it's 17. Barney hisses, takes a seat in a stool at the bar, and promptly falls off in a dead faint, 'cause that's comedy, right?

Ted's Apartment: Ted confirms that the book advises a 17-date wait. Lily suggests Barney give up the quest. Barney will do no such thing. He's sure there must be a loophole in "Ted's" book (Ted makes sure to remind everyone it's Robin's). Their conversation is interrupted when Don calls Robin, asking her out for the upcoming Saturday. When Robin waffles, Marshall runs to the kitchen, picks up the extension, adopts a ridiculous falsetto, pretends he's Robin, and accepts the date. "We can even go to a steakhouse, and you can bring home some delicious Prime Rib for my friend Marshall... Okay. Gotta go. Love you. Bye." All the while, Robin has been jumping on Marshall's back trying to snatch the receiver away from his yapping maw. Robin, girl, you have the cordless phone in your hand. No jury of your peers would convict you if you whacked him on his overgrown skull, especially for that "love you" slip. After Marshall hangs up [which he didn't, because, Robin still has the other phone on - Zach], he tells her she has to go on the date. "A great guy like Don is rare, and speaking of rare -- Prime Rib. Don't forget. Thank you."

When Marshall gets back to the living room, Barney is flipping through the Dumb Slut book. When he gets to the back cover, he's surprised to see the author's picture. It's J.Lo, or rather, it's her HIMYM character, "Anita Appleby," i.e. Barney's reluctant dame. He announces: "My plan was to sleep with her, but this changes everything." He rises to his feet. "New plan. I'm going to sleep with her!" The laugh track reminds us of our duty as we cut to...