How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B- | 1 USERS: A+
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We're Just Dumb Sluts From The Block

Saget!Ted opens the episode, sans kids. "Kids, on a warm March evening in 2010, a New York City Police boat pulled a 34-year-old white male out of the Hudson River -- your Uncle Barney." Huh. I'd always heard that stuff floats. We see Barney sitting on a bench by the banks of America's Rhine. The female cop (Joni Bovill), who is probably younger than he, takes out her notebook. "All right kid, let's hear the story -- from the beginning." Barney wrests the narration reins from Saget!Ted, and makes like a film noir protagonist. "Well, it all started a week ago." We flash back to...

MacLaren's: Barney continues: "I was making time at the local watering hole. Enter: a dame." The camera starts at her shoes and pans up slowly to reveal the lovely and talented Jennifer Lopez. She is a vision in royal blue, by the way -- a fresh, healthy golden girl -- as curvaceous as ever. The crew blows back her hair with a fan, but she looks so faboo, I almost want to believe her hair naturally does that, whenever she chooses, even when she's indoors. Then again, I'm also given to indulge in the fantasy that real-life conversation with La Lopez sounds just like it reads on the Fug Girls' site, even though I know better. Anyhow, J.Lo saunters up to the bar and she and Barney begin their flirtatious banter, which they later carry back to...

Barney's Apartamento: J.Lo is muy touchy-feely with El Barnacle. "Barney, when I get in bed with a man, my body becomes a machine fueled by desire, lust, and a singular hunger to satisfy my lover's every carnal need." Barney cracks that it's a good thing the cleaning lady is coming tomorrow, but that's not what matters. What matters is what comes next. J.Lo leaves him there, stewing in his own juices. As she's on her way out the door, he says, "I thought your body was going to become a machine, fueled by desire, lust, and a singular hunger to satisfy my every carnal need." J.Lo flips her hair as she turns back to look at him. "No." And she's out the door. BOOYAH!

Angry Theme Song, Which -- YES -- Is Dedicated to You, SHOW!

Marshall and Lily get to meet Don when Robin brings him to MacLaren's. After he leaves, Marshall can't stop singing his praises. This could be the beginning of a beautiful bromance. Anyhow, Lily encourages Robin to take a dip in the dating pool, as it's been four months since her breakup with Barney. Marshall echoes the sentiment, adding that Barney's dating (that's dating?) again and couldn't be happier. In a predictable bit of juxtaposition, we cut to...

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How I Met Your Mother

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