Robin walks over and greets the gang. I love how she's not surprised to see Ranjit. When Ted notices that her big glass of beer looks awfully flat, she clarifies that it's Scotch. This week, she's drinking too much because Don is getting on her nerves at work. We cut to Come On, Get Up, New York. Robin has just finished her segment and tosses to Don. Instead of waiting professionally for his cue, he is trouser-free (again), and sitting on the news desk, complaining that Ulee's Gold is in every crossword puzzle (Ted later explains that's for the vowels). The only reason I laugh at this is because Carter Bays uses his Twitter account to document his NYT crossword puzzle times. Anyhow, Don sits down and does his Valentine's Day segment about a patient receiving a chocolate human heart. Uh huh. Don asks Robin if she has any Valentine's Day plans. Back in real time at the bar, Robin tells her friends that since they were on the air and she was on the spot, she accepted his request for a date. They tease her about offending her viewer and whatnot. Finally, Marshall says, "Robin, you are going to marry this guy so freaking hard -- right in the butt." Uh huh. When Ted realizes Robin's date is for Valentine's Day, he reminds her they had plans. Robin asks how getting drunk and cleaning the apartment is a plan. Ted says, "I did not say it was a good plan."
Just then, Barney bursts in. I'd be glad to see him after that lameness, except I'm sick of him and not speaking to him right now. He's getting more and more texts from women, and he's utterly manic, bringing to mind the tokers in the original Reefer Madness. Barney doesn't know how to proceed, so Ted suggests he nail the girl he's with and then catch up on his texts. Barney says he can't hook up with one girl when there might be a hotter one out there, "with whom up can be hooked." First of all, since when? And second of all, I've had it. I'm putting him in a big time out for the rest of this weecap, because that's how displeased I am with his utter devolution.
Once You Know Who (YKW) is gone, Ted says maybe there are just too many dating options these days -- and that's why it's so hard to meet someone. Ranjit brags that he never had that problem, because his marriage was arranged, and he loves his wife more and more every day. Marshall nods. "It is true. It's very rare that two people and fall madly in love, like..." he looks at his wife, then quickly adds, "Robin and Don." Robin says she and Don are not even going out, they're just hanging at his place. When the gang hoots, she explains that he asked her to come over for a party. The gang tries to explain the difference between a date and a party invite -- but I'm on Robin's side, because I remember when Ted held umpteen parties in a row, just to spend some more time with Robin. Anyhow, Robin refuses to think Don didn't ask her on a date. Marshall teases that's because she wants Don to ask her on a date. Robin erupts. "No, I hate Don. I--I--I can't stop thinking about how much I hate him. It's like all the time. I just want to attack him and rip his stupid clothes off, and start spanking him with his little paddle until his bum's all red." A beat. "Shut UP!" She stomps up to the bar. We'll just leave that mess as is.