Anyhow, Ted shows the gang the picture and says you can look at it for hours and be sure it's a rabbit, and then one day, you look and it's a duck. Marshall agrees -- saying relationships are like that. "When you first met Don, you hated him. You thought, 'this guy is a duck', but one these days you're going to realize 'this is something I actually love'. He's a rabbit." Everyone looks confused, so Ted tries to straighten Marshall out. "I think you've got it backwards, buddy. The duck is the thing you love. The rabbit is the thing you hate." And talk about your reefer madness, Ranjit, Lily and Robin must be high, because they agree with Ted! In what universe is a duck more lovable than a rabbit? That's just insane troll logic. Marshall (rightly) points out that rabbits are adorable. "Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? Ducks are jerks!" Okay, I've never actually been in a fight with a duck, but I was once chased by geese. Shut up. I was a toddler. And in Canada. You know how those people (and their fowl) are always trying to kill us.
Saget!Ted narrates that this turned into one of the most intense arguments the group has ever had, which is kind of awesome, because I think most close groups get into ridiculous, trivial, and way-overheated arguments like this at least once. We watch the characters fast-forward in time. The fast-forwarding stops to let Ted make a point. "Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all GAMEY!" Marshall screams: "We're not talking about flavor, Ted!" Besides, duck is so fatty. Ted screams back that flavor counts. Fast-forward, then play for Marshall. "Who carries around a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?!" Fast-forward, then play for Robin. "You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I'll wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. WHO'S COZIER?" Marshall doesn't mention rabbit fur, because PETA has spies everywhere. Fast-forward, then play on Ted. "Time to get another book." Fast-forward, then play on Ranjit. *Very agitated speech in whatever language it is Ranjit speaks.* (Ranjit has claimed to be from Bangladesh, but people believe him to be speaking Farsi, and the actor who plays him is from Iran, so Farsi makes sense.) Ranjit leaves. Fast-forward, then play on Ted. Then why don't we take a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box, and LET THEM FIGHT IT OUT?! Marshall starts to rise from his seat. "BECAUSE IT'S ILLEGAL, TED!" Ted screams back: "ONLY IF WE BET ON IT, MARSHALL!" Fast-forward, then play on Marshall. He slams his hands down on the table and yells, "FINE! I concede. You win." That's not good enough for Robin and Ted, who insist that he "say it." Marshall clutches his beer and closes his eyes. "Ducks are good. Rabbits are bad." Ted, Robin and Lily cheer and pump their fists, because they are completely DELUSIONAL. Robin thanks Marshall and adds that Don is and always will be a rabbit. Ted begs to differ. "Think about it. Don? Donald? Donald... Duck? And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?" Lily pipes up. "Pants!" Ted proclaims that Don is a duck. Lily and Marshall make a whispery "haaaaaa" sound. Ted asks Marshall: "Permission to say 'lawyered'?" Marshall: "I'll allow it." Ted: "Lawyered."