Meanwhile, YKW's has a beautiful woman on his bed. They're drinking wine. He's telling her that there's no place he'd rather be and no one he'd rather be with, when he's interrupted by his phone. Because he's never heard the "a bird in the hand..." adage, Barney tosses the present girl her jacket and tells her she's got to go. He then hops into Ranjit's waiting car. Ranjit is working on his knitting, every time we see him waiting for Barney. Barney asks to be taken to MacLaren's Pub. We will call the preceding rigamarole YKW's refrain, so I don't have to keep typing it out. So next, we get YKW's refrain (as played on a Lady Bullfighter). And then YKW's refrain (as played on a Gold Medal Japanese Figure Skater). Next is YKW's refrain as played on a hot (and double jointed) chick. Saget!Ted saves us for the nonce, by interrupting to say: "[YKW] had been sure that phone was something he loved, but now he realized it wasn't that at all. It was something else entirely." YKWs phone has been ringing, but he's been trying to ignore it. Finally, YKW pulls out the phone only to see it's a little white bunny! (Another reason to hate YKW's scenes in this episode: that poor bunny is frightened to death.) YKW looks from his latest conquest-to-be back to the bunny, but the bunny is now a phone again. He runs out into the alleyway behind the bar and throws it in the dumpster. But when he gets Double-Joints home and starts his "no place, no one" line on her, he imagines-up the "Turkey in the Straw" ringtone. He twitches and snorts, runs out of the room, and then out to Ranjit's car. Ranjit's now wearing a full-length scarf (his own handiwork) and still knitting away. Once at MacLaren's, YKW runs past the bar, out into the alley, and dives into the dumpster. Cross your fingers that he finds at least a shred of his old likability in there.
Valentine's Day: At MacLaren's Marshall and Lily remember they forgot to find Ted a date/wife. Okay, I can't buy this for even a second. With Lily's well-established busy-body tendencies, her past habit of interfering in Ted's love life in particular, and her and Marshall's burning desire for best couple-friends, this just doesn't work for me. I said I liked it when I wrote the recaplet, but I cannot figure out why or remember what I liked, so I plead insanity. Anyhow, at the last minute they scramble for women. Marshall even gets maced in the process, but it's all a no-go.
Ted's Apartment: Ted sings: "Here comes the groom, in his favorite blazer, gonna meet my wife and I'm..." He counts on his fingers as he searches for the right rhyme: "laser, tazer, gazer..." From her bedroom, Robin calls out to Ted, inviting him to swing by Don's party with her, before he meets up with Lily, Marshall, and the blind-date. Then she walks out in a wowza dress -- various shades of coral with black seaming. She looks great (and this is the first time Wardrobe has done her post-baby figure any justice). Ted (who is by far the most likable character this week) says, "That's what you're wearing?" Robin says it is. Ted looks her up and down. "He's a duck. That dude be straight duckin'." While Robin looks down at herself, Ted finishes his song. "And I think that I'll... amaze her." He pumps his fist. "Nailed it!"