Apartment. Ted greets Stella. He tells her about the elaborate date he has planned, which involves a horse-drawn carriage and the symphony. "Five years," she reminds him. Let's have sex! Now! Ted goes to get his bag. Marshall and Lily arrive. Marshall asks if Stella is looking forward to tonight. She says it's been such a long time since she's had a night out. "Yeah... we heard," Lily says. Oops! They both joke about how they can't hold out very long without a "Night out." Stella finally asks what they're talking about as they giggle. They figure out the faux pas. Lily tries to play it off and says they were talking about pizza. Ted returns to the room to find an unhappy Stella. She's upset that he told Lily and Marshall about her dry spell. Marshall pretends it's the first time they've heard it. "You haven't had sex in five years?! That is a shocking revelation that we're just finding out about right now!" It doesn't work. Awkward! We come back from commercial to find Lily and Marshall gone. Ted is trying to explain that he tells his best friends everything. He does say he's sorry, at least. Stella says it was personal and now his friends think she's a freak. She says she knows it's a little weird. She asks how many other people go without sex for five years. Quick cut to MacLaren's. "13 YEARS!?" Barney asks Randy. "I peaked really young," Randy answers. Cut back to the apartment. Stella says she thought she could trust Ted, but now she can't. She now has her reason for not sleeping with him. Ted asks if she was just looking for a reason. He says things are getting serious and that must scare her. "Good night, Ted," Stella says, and exits.
Barney is quizzing Randy in the MacLaren's booth about the three beginner's techniques for picking up a woman at a bar. Randy says they are: isolate her from her friends, repeatedly use her name in conversation, subtly put her down. "Excellent," Barney says. Time to test the techniques. Barney hangs behind Randy as they go to two women at the bar. Randy introduces himself to a woman named Haley. He repeats her name a few times and then asks her to come over with him. She does, surprisingly. He says, "Haley... you are a fat, ugly whore." She throws a drink in his face.