Barney's big office building. Hey, it's my third-favorite current Saturday Night Live cast member: Will Forte! He's wearing a green-striped tie and a short-sleeved work shirt, which is always a little skeevy. He comes into Barney's office and hands him a magazine. He says the new Skymall came in. Barney just tosses it on the desk, disinterested. Will Forte says that word around the Blogosphere is that Barney is looking for a new wingman. He says he's available. He tried to get a signal from Barney's eyebrows. Barney just stares at him. Barney says there's a long list to be Barney's wingman, which he says is "Vice-President of Awesome." He thinks this guy, Randy, is just "Assistant Undersecretary of Only Okay." Randy accepts his new fictional position happily and says he won't let Barney down. Barney starts making some phone calls to old potential Bros. The first guy he invites to MacLaren's is at the hospital. He just had a baby daughter. He's holding her in one arm and talking on the phone in the other in the middle of the hallway. Uh, no. Barney asks if he can still go to MacLaren's. Second call: the guy Barney calls is at a bar and says he's already in a committed Bro relationship with another guy. Barney knows the dude and says he's a good Bro. "I'm happy for you. Best of luck," he says, choking up. Barney calls a last person, Crazy Willie, who certainly looks crazy with his wild red hair and dressed-down manner. Crazy Willie's wild night involves putting the cheese out with his wife at 7, playing Cranium at 8 and watching 27 Dresses at 9. "Everybody's home by 11, BOO-YA!" Crazy Willie says. Wow, I just realized that is my next 10 years. Barney hangs up. Then he calls back so he can hang up again.
Stella's office. She and Ted are eating. She's telling the story of a giant pimple or boil or something she can't even identify on some poor guy's back. She says she popped it and pus exploded everywhere like a volcano. Ted is turned on, somehow. "Let's have sex! Right now!" he says. He offers to lock the door. There's no lock. He offers to lean against the door for a hot Ted-Stella-Door threeway. Stella jokes that it'll be weird with her and the door the next day. Ted apologizes for being so forward. Stella says she has a confession to make. "You're 14," Ted jokes. Stella tells him she hasn't been with someone in a while. Ted admits that he's in the same boat. She asks how long it's been. He raises his hand with "Five." "Me, too!" she says. Ted was thinking five months. We cut to the apartment living room, where Marshall, Lily and Robin all says, "Five YEARS!?"