How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: B | Grade It Now!
Stella Is Not The Mother, M'Kay?

After Barney's gone, Ted tries to find out the source of Robin's food poisoning, but she doesn't want to tell him, because he loves the place and it will ruin it for him. He agrees she shouldn't tell him, but later at MacLaren's, he browbeats her until she finally gives up the information. "It's Schlegel's Bagels." Ted is then, predictably, pissed off that he knows. "Schlegel's? Thanks a lot, Robin. Now I'm gonna have to try to find another place in New York that serves bagels." I'm sorry. I saw that joke coming a mile away and it just fell flat for me. We cut to...

Hypothetical Land: Saget!Ted narrates that if Robin hadn't told him where she got the tainted food, Ted would have turned right, not left, on that fateful morning. He would have gone to Schlegel's, then "gone home, worked on the old hat building and [his] kids might never have been born." Now, if that's what left some of you all with the mistaken impression that I think Stella's the mom (and I don't), I'll note here that Ted said it (not me) and he's careful with his phrasing, such that we don't have to think the woman who tapped Ted on the shoulder is the mother. We just have to think that meeting up with her was a crucial step in Ted's journey toward meeting the mother.

We then learn why Ted stopped at the newsstand on the way. To get that story, we flash back to Barney reading a magazine, Bro's Life at MacLaren's. He brings the mag to Ted to gloat because he has a date with featured model Petra Petrova, "Bro's Life magazine's girl of the year. For May." Heh. "A delicate flower in stiletto pumps and leopard panties, straddling an ATV." Barney adds, "Petra here, if all goes well, will be my...wait for it -- 200th! Sorry, I couldn't wait. It's all exciting."

Yes, he means the 200th woman he's slept with. I... I... the thought of this just... ew. I know Barney's a dawg and proud of it, but I... it makes my skin crawl. I'm not sure I've met 200 guys I'd want to have dinner with. You know? It's just yucky. Ted's with me. When Barney raises his hand and requests "the highest of fives," Ted's response is: "Not if I was wearing a HazMat suit." And Ted and Barney do the 200 is too many/there can't be too many conversational tango, but seriously, I have to move forward because I keep shuddering. Yeah, yeah, prudish recapper is prudish tonight. Shut up.

Barney breaks out his list of the previous 199 "lucky" women and tells Ted his date is on Thursday, but he's having a pre-party at MacLaren's that night. "Prepare a toast. Black tie optional, but preferred. Gifts are... look, I would say unnecessary, but follow your heart." Ted and Barney get back on the 200's too many/it's not too many seesaw and we cut to...

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How I Met Your Mother




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