Apartment: Robin reads from the notebook. "Class number 2: Top Ten Robin Scherbatsky facial expressions and their meanings."
Classroom: Ted's doing a slideshow of Robin's expressions. The picture of her he's showing at the moment shows her looking pale, dazed and slightly nauseated, and asks Barney what those telltale signs mean. Barney says, "You guys just had sex" He then whoas his own answer and when Ted turns to him in disgust, he looks around to the empty classroom and says, "It wasn't me." The look is hunger, and if you don't get Robin food quickly when you see that expression, she'll burst into weird, out of context laughter (see a slide of her laughing at a parking meter) or fall asleep in strange places (the hood of a car). The next slide is of...the Flatiron Building, Ted screwed up his slides, so before we continue, let's take a moment and prepare ourselves for the inevitable scene in which Ted ends up showing a (probably wildly inappropriate) slide of Robin to his architecture class. You ready?
Ted's now showing his most important facial expression shot. Robin's eyes are wide -- nostrils flared; in short, she looks about to murder someone. Barney and Ted stand back and allow themselves to be transfixed by the horror. Ted warns Barney that if he ever does see Robin looking like this, he should run. "And don't take a picture of it. She will punch. And you will cry. For the third time. That night." The guys shudder in unison and Ted moves on to his next subject: "Diffusing the bomb."
Apartment: Robin takes umbrage at the "Diffusing the bomb" notes, like you do. She rants as Marshall listens to Lily reading the notes about changing the conversation to Robin's safe topics. Robin's so mad she kicks off a shoe and throws it across the room. Then, Lily reads, "Immediately switch the conversation to one of the following, unless you want Robin to start throwing her shoes." It's driving me crazy that Robin's standing there with one shoe on -- how about you? We jump back and forth from the classroom to the apartment as Ted explains the diffusing topics and Robin reacts to (and is somewhat distracted by) them: the 2004 Vancouver Canucks' division title; proper gun cleaning and maintenance; and Emperor Penguins. This last one really gets Robin off-topic, as she explains to Lily that these penguins bow to one another before mating, which is deadly cute, I have to say. When Robin can no longer remember what she was going on about, Marshall notices someone checking out Mabel, down on the curb. He's pretty sure he's got a taker. But since the guy has his dog with him, we're pretty sure the streets of Manhattan are going to have one more pee soaked barrel. And, we're proven right. We are so smart. When Marshall realizes what's going on, he shames the dog's bearded owner from above about his inability to grow a mustache. Lily then points out that Marshall can't grow a good one, either. Marshall turns to her. "Well he doesn't know that, baby. God!" Segal doesn't have much to do this week, but his delivery was perfect, there, and his hair is still cute, so I'm trying to give him equal time.
Robin's upset because Ted's class seems too overwhelmingly negative to her, but Lily points out some sweet stuff. In the classroom, Ted reminds Barney that Robin isn't touchy-feely, because Barney wasn't in the opening scene this week. Instead of saying I love you, Robin will, "Laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, 'You're an idiot'. [...] If she tells you you're an idiot, you're a lucky man. And if she does say 'I love you', she's already broken up with you, in her mind." Although Lily thinks it's sweet that Ted knows Robin so well, Robin is less impressed, because the next page in the notebook is entitled, "Robin Scherbatsky's Erogenous Zones." Back in the classroom, Ted explains this to Barney and there's a flashback to Robin and Ted in bed. They're more or less spooning and she's moaning with pleasure, just because he's rubbing her knee.
Classroom: Ted's now lecturing about the things Barney should never do to or with Robin. On the chalkboard, the first two Nevers are spelled out (thanks to Kit Kate, cagewench, Kate Monster, and Marquis Carabas for helping make up for my lack of an HDTV, or an office TV bigger than a thimble). They are 1. Mention hockey's lack of popularity in the U.S.; 2. Cry. Ted tells Barney the third Never is playing the "Guess Who" game. We flash back to Robin outside the building, talking on her cell. Ted sneaks up behind her, covers her eyes and says, "Guess Who." Robin takes him in a way that would make my children's Karate instructors proud, while Ted howls for mercy from the sidewalk. The fourth Never is showing Robin YouTube clips of animals playing a musical instrument. She'll make you watch it 'til your eyes bleed.
When Ted turns to Barney, he is sound asleep in his chair. They start to bicker about the quality of Ted's class versus Barney's scholastic ability. Barney then gets shirty with Ted and gives him a thumbs down, and putting his best John Bender says, "Can you hear this, professor? Maybe I should turn it up for you," as he rights his thumb. Saget!Ted breaks in to tell the kids that it might not have been a thumbs up.
Scott and I laughed harder at that, than we should have, but we have kids, you know -- and certain words and gestures are off limits. About three years ago, my friend Aimee was...well, here's the story in her own words: "I did an asinine thing at the grocery store. I was buying bread and stuff and asked for cigs for Joe and myself. The checker went off, grabbed them, brought them back, and showed them to me. I gave her a thumbs up. Or, rather, not so much. I flipped her off! And proceeded to almost die of embarrassment, in the middle of Albertson's. Fortunately, she had a good sense of humor and saw the beet-red heat on my face as I stammered an apology to her, in which I said, 'Obviously, I do that too often for it to be my default finger signal'. I can never go in there ever, ever again." Suffice it to say, that my husband and I give each other the thumbs up with great enthusiasm, from time to time. Thanks for the marital skill, Aims!
Ted is fed up with teaching a student who doesn't want to learn. He grabs Barney by his lapels and pulls him to his feet, then gives him a pop quiz. "When Robin's PMSing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?" Barney says, "Trick question. You get her butterscotch. [...] Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women." Barney also demonstrates that he's learned Robin's dream job (to become the most successful female TV journalist of all time) and that even if she achieves that, she won't truly be happy. "Robin's deep-seated need for attention can be traced back to her father's emotional distance, and no amount of success will ever make up for what she truly needs, which is s