Ted's Apartment; Past: He raves about a new bottle of Syrah. "Hints of crème de cassis, red berries, toasty oak..." and fart noises. Another time, as Marshall and Lily are cooking, Ted's hanging in the kitchen with them, doing a crossword puzzle. "Hmm, five letters, '[blank] baritone.' Oh, of course -- lyric baritone, which is actually higher than a dramatic baritone! You know, there's a telling..." Lily makes a fart noise.
MacLaren's; Present: Ted says, "I'm just trying to add a little class to these proceedings. It's like that line from Dante's Inferno..." Marshall makes a fart noise. Ted continues: "'Consider your origins. You were not born to live like brutes'." Lily: fart noise. Ted: "'But to follow virtue and knowledge'." Barney: fart noise. Ted doesn't let it stop him. He arises and starts reciting from the original Italian. The gang becomes a fart noise chorus. I take out my gun and check for bullets.
No, I'm not doing a theme song this week (and don't you put one in there, Z). I'm making a statement, dammit.
The Robinless gang is hanging at Ted's. Barney tries to convince himself that he's overreacting to the Robin situation, but then when he sees a pretty little envelope among Ted's mail, he freaks out, thinking it's a wedding invitation. The thing is, it's not for the guys. It's for Marissa Heller -- the woman who lived in the apartment before Ted and Marshall. They've been getting her mail on and off for 10 years: golf magazines, wicker furniture catalogues, bird store coupons. Over the years they've gotten a pretty good picture of Ms. Heller. The only thing they don't know is what she looks like.
At first, Ted pretends that he's going to do the right thing and forward the invitation on, but the moment Lily tells him to open it he does. It's an invitation to Jefferson Van Smoot's Annual Spring Social, in the penthouse apartment of The Alberta, this Saturday night. [Less than a week's notice for an annual society event? Sloppy. - Zach] Ted's over the moon as he explains that the Alberta is the most beautiful building in Manhattan. I searched for it, but the first interesting hit I got was for Project Alberta, which was part of the Manhattan Project; since that's more representative of my feelings about this season, I do believe my search has ended. Anyhow, Ted says the gang has to go to the party, even though it conflicts with Robots vs. Wrestlers. He's the only one who's interested, until he points out that there'll be an open bar. Barney revises the agenda: party, then Robots vs. Wrestlers. "One of us just needs to pretend to be Marissa Heller. Oh hai thar Lily.