The Alberta; Saturday night: Ted is raving about the architecture when Lily interrupts. "I just got a text from Robin. It says... [fart noise]." They guys send Lily up to the front desk with a reminder not to do any accents. Maybe someone should have told her NOT TO WEAR LEGGINGS IN LIEU OF PANTS. That's what she's doing there, right? She makes a last-ditch appeal to the guys for her very bad Cockney accent, but it's a n- go. As Lily reaches the desk, another woman approaches, so Lily lets her go first. The woman, played by Darby Stanchfield (Helen Bishop, Mad Men; April Green, Jericho) is, of course, the real Marissa Heller. Lily: "Bollocks." Commercial.
While Marissa waits for the elevator, Barney moves in on her, pretending they've met at a gathering for bird owners. Marissa doesn't think so. Barney: "Wicker lovers?" Marissa: "No." Barney: "Stinson out." He retreats to the gang, and says it's a no-go, but Ted's all "put me in, coach, I'm ready to play." He approaches Marissa and starts talking about the elevator mechanism and Louis Lamar Skolnick, the Alberta's architect. Heller's another Skolnick fan (heh), and the pair quickly gets into a discussion of his work. Across the way, Barney prepares his fart noise, but Lily stops him. "It's working!" Then Ted confesses to Marissa that they're not on the guest list, but he's always wanted to see the inside of the Alberta. Marissa is charmed and tells the man at the desk that the gang is with her.
Inside the elevator, Lily -- out of the blue -- starts asking about The Young & The Restless; in a flashback, we see Lily reading Soap Opera Illustrated magazine, which was intended for Marissa Heller. Back in the present, when no one responds to her prompting, Lily shoots a pointed look at Marissa. "Am I to understand there isn't a single soap opera fan in this entire elevator?" Marissa: "I don't own a TV. The only operas I watch are at the Met." Barney rolls his eyes. Lily flares her nostrils. Marshall cringes. Ted is in ecstasy. He whispers in Lily's ear: "Dibs."
Party: Michael York plays Jefferson Van Smoot. [Naturally. It's pretty much the same character he played in an episode of Criminal Intent. - Z] Marissa goes off to greet him, leaving her foundlings to ogle the party glitterati. Marshall, in an untucked shirt and jeans, realizes he's underdressed. Barney's assessment of the shindig? "One word, made up: Douchepocalypse." Lily nods in agreement, but Ted's the proverbial douche shopper at a Massengill factory outlet. Among the notable guests are Peter Bogdanovich, Arianna Huffington and Will Shortz (editor of the NYT crossword). Ted begs the gang to give the party, free food and free booze a chance. "Twenty minutes, then we can leave."