How I Met Your Mother

Episode Report Card
Cindy McLennan: C+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Gong Show...

The hoity-toity like Ted. They really, really like him. They like his architecture discussion, his Dante recitation and his barbershop quartet harmonization. And he's enjoying the hell out of himself. This makes them and him douches because...well, because the show says it does. Clearly, you're a douche if you don't get that. Clearly, I'm a douche if I don't like that fact. Fart noise.

Marshall passes on the smoked foie gras appetizers because he's Marshall. He'd like something in the mini-cheeseburger department. "Any food at all that will make me feel like a giant?" Oh, fart noise. YOU ALREADY ARE A GIANT, MARSHALL. Lily turns up her nose at the goodies, too. Pity the writers have never watched their own show -- BECAUSE IF THEY HAD, THEY'D REALIZE THAT LILY IS A NOTORIOUS FOODIE. Double fart noise.

Barney selects a random target and tries to convince her he's performing open-heart surgery on the Dutch Ambassador in the morning. "I hope he pulls through." The woman is not at all taken in. She notes that her colleague just prescribed blood-thinners for the Dutch Ambassador. "There's no way she'd be on anti-coagulants if she were about to undergo surgery." I don't know who she is, but I love her and want Ted to marry her, this moment, so she can keep Barney in check for the rest of his life.

Meanwhile, Marshall tries to join Bogdanovich's film conversation. But while old Petey is saying things like, "Film is an auteur's medium -- full stop," Columbia-educated Marshall's opening volley is, "Movies, right?" His next shot -- a discussion of actors. "Funny thing about Willem Dafoe -- uh, his name kinda sounds like a frog talking to a parrot." A beat. "...Willem. DAFOOOOOE. Willem. DAFOOOOOE." Bogdanovich stares up at Marshall and we cut to...

Barney. He's trying to make time with Arianna Huffington by convincing her he was under-secretary of the treasury. "Now, I wonder if you'd like to join me in the map room and give my package some stimulus." Arianna's voice is soft and sultry. "I'm afraid not, darling. You are too old for my taste." Whee!

He regroups with Marshall and Lily and they decide Ted's 20 minutes are up. They just need to find him. There's a lovely oriental gong behind Marshall, so of course he strikes it." GOOOONNNNNNG. The party falls silent and turns toward Marshall who says, "Gongs, right? They're louder than you think." So the party guests are the robots and our gang are the wrestlers? Um, I don't think so, Show. The "robots" are all having a fine time chatting, eating, drinking and otherwise behaving like adults do at a party. They're not robots at all. They're simply polite. Meanwhile, our friends -- the "real folk," the "salt of the earth" types, have forgotten every single social grace they ever learned. A big-shot banker, a lawyer and a kindergarten teacher lack the self-awareness to be unobtrusive while crashing a party. Only machines are so lacking in self-awareness. They're the robots. They're bad robots. (Hi, Lost fans.) Michael York's Van Smoot does take umbrage at Marshall striking his antique gong in the middle of a party, so that makes him the bad guy. Don't you get it? Fart noise.

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How I Met Your Mother

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