How I Met Your Mother

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Omar G: A- | 1 USERS: A+
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Beek Man's World

The streak continues.

In the year 2030, the kids are still sitting on the couch, resting after a filling meal of protein pill. SagetTed tells them that their Aunt Robin used to be a Canadian pop star. We get a quick montage of Robin's not-so-glory years, including her "Let's Go to the Mall" video. He says that by 2008, she was entirely different person. We see clips of Robin shooting at a gun range and Robin sitting on an expensive leather chair smoking a cigar. Do Canadian pop stars not shoot guns and smoke cigars? We see Robin doing the nightly news next to a photo of an adorable baby. "Coming up next," she says, "is your baby trying to kill you?" Man, it sure feels like it sometimes.

We cut right to MacLaren's, where Ted is telling a boring story about being cold, but he interrupts himself smoothly to say, "And I don't know why I'm still talking because clearly we're all asking the same question: what in God's creation is going on with Robin's breasts?" Dude, I was just thinking that, too! She's wearing a very fancy blue dress with a neckline that plunges almost down to her navel. She's got side-cleavage happening. I was just wondering why she was so dressed up for beers with friends. Robin enthusiastically explains that she spent a half hour making this boob sculpture happen. That long? I could have helped! Robin says there's tape, cotton balls, and half a Nerf football in there. Where do the boobs go? Robin says she's expecting an old friend from Canada. Barney snarks that it must have been someone she went to Degrassi with. Robin says it was actually her first boyfriend. Side-whosh to THE BEEK! James Van Der Beek, with big fluffy hair that sizes his head so that it towers above all men, is standing by a beach, wearing a leather jacket and a white Hard Rock Café t-shirt. She says Beek, er, Simon, smelled like Drakkar, could ollie on a skateboard and had a collection of those Hard Rock T-shirts. We see Teen Robin Sparkles (wearing Mardi Gras beads?) walking with Simon. She's got a giant blue bow on her blonde hair. And, oy, pink leggings. Robin says they spent the whole summer together and they were madly in love. "Tell me more," Barney says, "tell me more. Like, did he have a car?" Marshall, who has his hair combed back a little strangely, tries to find a delicate way to ask a question: "Did he take your maple leaf?" he asks. Everyone laughs. Barney asks if he gave Robin her first "O, Canada!" face. Hee hee. SagetTed says that this went on for a while. We fast-forward through a bunch of jokes. He says some of the jokes were elegant and well-crafted. Lily asks if Simon broke up with her and told her he just wasn't that "Inuit." He says others were crude and ill-formed. "Uh...something about fur trapping," Ted tries. SagetTed says others were obvious and needed to be said. Barney asks if she rode Simon's Zamboni. Bravo! Marshall winds up for another one, but realizes he's out of jokes. Ted says he's also "Oot." Now he's really out. Robin says it was very tame: they only dated a week and a half, which she says is how long summer lasts in Canada: it's only late July. She starts to tell the story of their breakup, which happened after one of Simon's music gigs.

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How I Met Your Mother

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